Actual texting between Elizabeth and me:
E: What time are you coming to get me?
Me: What time they kicking yo ass out?
Me: What time they kicking yo ass out? In other words, when does Janel want you gone?
E: She said whenever.
Me: How about I send Charles when he is done burning? (Clarification: he was burning garbage, not in hell or like he was on fire or anything...)
E: What time will that be?
Me: I will inquire forthwith.
E: Your (sic) messed up today lol
Me: And I have not even been drinking. Charles says noonish.
E: OK, so does that mean you have been drinking?
Me: No, that would be irresponsible. And vaguely alcoholic like. But only if you attend meetings. If not then you are just a drunk.
E: Only vaguely?
Me: Well it all hinges on the meeting attendance. But I am not drinking so it is a moot point I think.
E: Well alright then
Now THAT is some fantastic parenting there. Where is my fucking award?