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Saturday, April 23, 2016

Reggie II

This hamster is making me increasingly paranoid.

First off, she's hoarding food in her cage.  Like she has it stored strategically around under her bedding.  What the fuck for?  It figures that I would get the hamster that is some sort of a crazy prepper.  She's probably going to vote for Trump and is a fan of Ted Nugent, too.  If I find out that she's hoarding ammo too the next time I change her bedding, I'm moving out of the house.

Second, she's got some kind of intricate tunnel system set up underneath her bedding.  Three fourths of the time, she is not above ground; rather she is doing who the fuck knows what in her bunker under the bedding.  Seriously, they are tunnels like the Viet Cong or something.  She even has them leading up to her little house thing, so she does not have to come above ground to even go into her  home.


I fully expect to hear the banjos from Deliverance every time I check this fucker's food and water.  Look at those suspicious, beady eyes...


Third, she seems to be perfecting her Matrix-like ninja skills.  She is getting increasingly adept at avoiding anyone handling her...it's like she has some fear of being contaminated or something if she is touched by us Human Infidels.  It appears that biological warfare is the only thing that she is not prepared for, so I guess that makes sense as it is her only vulnerability.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I EVEN TALKING ABOUT???  Her only vulnerability?  This fucking midget rodent has ME plotting HER downfall!  The psychological torture here is almost unbearable!  

I used to think that it would be the children that sent me to the insane asylum.  It appears that the hamster is a close contender to be the reason as well.  

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