Dear Bitchez,
I won't even go into the amount of tomfuckery that is 2020 because everyone already knows because we are fucking living it. Figured I'd give (another) update on the family as it's been like a year since the last one. What, go back to blogging during the quarantine? That would have been a more healthful choice than wallowing in despair and alcoholic seltzers. Or than injuring myself constantly. More on that later...
Elizabeth graduated from college. She is taking after her mama as I graduated with my B.S. (and yeah, those student loans were ever BS!) the May after 9/11, and with my Master's right after the economy tanked in 2008...so yeah. Poor kid. I told her not to take after me. She did manage to find a job at a jewelry store, with some career advancement potential should she choose. She keeps acquiring cats, which is fine with me because I'm still not quite forty and fourth daughter Jewel had to rebel and have Delilah before then. That's OK, though, cause Delilah remains perfect. Her parents, though, are headed towards the altar next year so I get to have some wedding liquor sooner rather than later (cranberry and vodka, yo!)
Alexis is definitely completely morphed into that elusive and irritable creature otherwise known as 14 year old female. She and her father argue a lot, but for sport not the kind that gets us all in therapy. Like, she's gonna make a great lawyer someday if she so chooses that path. She is already on her third college credit class and generally is adjusting great to quarantine high school. She's fabulous to talk to about current events and I really like the person she is when she's not being 14.
Charlie has started a new school this year, and is doing 110% better than when she was at her old one. The shift in her is quite marked. She is taking horseback riding lessons and has asked about art lessons as well, but as I live in BFE the art might not happen. As far as I know, her body count is still 0 but I also don't ask too many questions because I don't want to spill the beans on anything during interrogation. She says the funniest shit just off the cuff and half my Facebook posts anymore are just writing down shit she has said.
It's a good thing my children are funny because otherwise I might drink more than I already do.
Ten months into 2020 and Charles has not had surgery (and not for lack of trying...he rolled his 4 wheeler earlier this year and did about 3K worth of damage to it. Luckily, nothing serious to himself. Yay?) However...My husband was also told that the next time his surgeon operates on his knees will be to replace them. Meaning they are so fucked up that there's no point in operating again until he decides to do this. We knew this day was coming, but hoped he'd be closer to 50 when it did. Maybe the messages in the cosmos got crossed and instead of waiting to be grandparents when we were over 40, we get knee replacements? If so, that's messed up, universe. Not cool. His job also continues to vex him in every way possible, yet he refuses to go dig up that treasure he buried in the back yard so we can both be independently wealthy. Though I like my job, even though I miss seeing people in person so really it's just more so he can quit his job and give his poor knees a break.
As for me...well, I started to break myself back in August. Just a little bit, though...only a stress fracture in my foot. Then, because I am an overachiever in all that I do, I fell down the stairs whilst helping someone move and jacked up my arm and leg. That was a whole fiasco...went to get X-rays, was told nothing was broken. Got a call next day, "Oh just kidding! You actually broke your fibula and tibia and your shoulder!" Get an appointment with an ortho, and he goes "Just kidding! That radiologist is smoking some serious crack because there are no breaks at all in your leg but you did break the shoulder so wear a sling for the next month. Oh, and by the way, it's probably going to hurt for a really long time too. And stay off that leg while you are at it cause you seriously bruised that fucker all to hell."
He didn't actually say those exact words, but that was the spirit. Woulda been hella cool if he had though.
We also, over the course of this year, lost a neighbor, my brother, two uncles, and had to put Deogie down after a brief battle with Cushing's disease. COVID funerals suck monkey balls, that's all I have to say about that. Now the children are bugging me to get a cat, but no. Roman would lose his shit because the neighbor's cat likes to torture him by walking past our window. That cat also likes to fuck with Charles and they have a bit of a war going on where the cat comes into our yard and Charles runs it off. I stay out of it. Between the cat and Alexis, he's got enough to deal with without adding my crazy to the mix. Maximus, I am pretty sure, also wishes at time that he had an imaginary prescription for Xanax that he could chase with a bottle of wine like I pretend to do. But for different reasons than me. I think.
Anyways, life is still crazy but now it's a new and special 2020 kind of crazy. I don't know who the hell pulled the tag off of their mattress and enraged the powers that be, but for the love of GOD MAN STITCH THAT FUCKING THING BACK ON SO WE CAN APPEASE THE GODS WE HAVE SOMEHOW DISPLEASED!!!
Love,
Me
