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Monday, March 18, 2013

Conversations XI

Me:  Elizabeth do you remember when I was dating?

E:  Not really.  Why?  Are you going to start dating again?

Me:  (sighing)  No, Charles won't let me date.

Charles walks in:  What won't I let you do?

Me:  You won't let me date.  Selfish bastard you are...

C:  Well, everyone has their quirks.

Me, talking to my boss:

Me:  Well, I don't see myself quitting any time soon, unless my husband decides to finally unearth his (imaginary) money he has hidden from me.

Boss:  Unless you win the lottery...

Me:  Well, that is on my to-do list.

Alexis, looking over my shoulder at my Facebook page ads:

A:  A free phone!  Wow, mom, I want a free phone!

Me:  Uh, no.

Later on, talking to Charles:

C:  Did you tell her she could take an innie-and-an-outie bath?

Me:  Yeah.

C:  Oh, I just told her she couldn't.  I'll text her and let her know...oh, wait.  You didn't get her the free phone...

Dumping some Epsom salts into Charlie's bath:

Elizabeth:  What are you doing?

Me:  Putting Epsom salts into Charlie's bath.

E:  Really, Mom?  Charlie is crazy enough without bath salts.  You are going to turn her into a zombie!

Sunday, March 17, 2013


I wept today.

I heard the verdict of the much publicized Steubenville rape case and I wept.  The trial frequently made my blood boil.  The sheer amount of privilege that is present in this case burns me up.  "I didn't know what rape was".  "She has a history of lying".  "Yeah, she was puking and I thought she was dead, but she consented."

All tired lines brought on by a rape culture.  All so insidious that no one really realizes just how damaging they are.

Women are still property.  Women are still meant to be playthings for the "good kids".

I am sorry, but if they were really "good kids", there would not have been a rape.

Probably an inflammatory statement, yes.  But there is such a pervasive sense of "I am sorry I got caught..."  One of those kids even said in his statement to the victim, "I am sorry that those pictures got sent around."  Not, "I am sorry I violated you and degraded you and raped you".

The parents stood up and tried to blame alcohol.  Not ONE SINGLE PERSON tried to stop and think, "Maybe we should just NOT RAPE.  Maybe we are NOT entitled to sex.  Maybe a woman CAN and SHOULD consent."

People are still worried about the "bad light" that has been shed on Steubenville.  This frequently happens when unexamined privilege and systemic biases are yanked out from behind the curtain.  This stuff does not happen in isolated incidents.  Violence, drugs, rapes...society supports them.  It is not just Steubenville.  They just happened to have gotten caught.  Everyone needs to change.

How many more victims do we need to have before this happens?   I just hope that it is not too late to rehabilitate those boys.  I hope that the victim gets some measure of peace, though I know this is unlikely.  I hope that the community looks within itself to change.  I fear that this is also unlikely.

Sunday, March 3, 2013


On Friday, I got a call from the daycare.  Charlie had been kind of off that morning, but it wasn't enough for me to take off work (and let's be honest, if I called off every time I was cranky, I would never be at work...).  The teachers there knew this, and had called me concerned.  She hadn't eaten anything that day, which is not all that unusual given that she is a toddler and they possess a magical ability to extract nutrients from air.    What was concerning was that when she woke from her nap, she was shaking uncontrollably.  Not like seizure shaking; like she was shivering.  No temp, nothing to explain it.  Then she could not get off her cot or pick up her goldfish crackers.  Concerning, no?  I called the doc and they said to go ahead and take her to the ER.

Now, Elizabeth and Alexis, I have been to the ER a grand total of two times between the two of them.  This will make Charlie's third visit.  WTF, child?  She is a train wreck, health wise.  Hell, before she was a year old she already had had four different specialists involved in her life.

I can tell when the child is not feeling well, though.  Mostly because she isn't smiling sweetly at you while toying with the blade of the knife she keeps strapped to her ankle or throwing her toys around in a rage because you dared to suggest to her that maybe it isn't a good idea that she stick that metal hanger into the light socket.  She also tends to be more cuddly.  Now that I miss from her being an infant.  She would just snuggle into the center of your chest and look up at you and smile.  Now she will look up at you and smile, but once she figured out the key to mobility the snuggles dropped off.

She is feeling better now.  She started to have diarrhea, and the diagnosis was that it was caused by a bacteria.  The shaking was mild dehydration and low blood sugar from not eating.   Few doses of an antibiotic and the BRAT diet and she has bounced back.  She still is not 100% though.  Today, we were up in her room and she was sitting naked next to me doing puzzles (don't judge; I was picking my battles and clothing was not one I wanted to. That or I'm a lazy and inattentive parent). She then just snuggled onto my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck for a hug.  This is not something that she does spontaneously.

I kinda miss the days when it didn't take an emergency for her to want me.  When I picked her up at the daycare, the first words out of her mouth were, "Mama, I couldn't get off my cot."  I think it truly scared her.  Little Miss Independent she has always been.  I am so grateful, though, that even though she thinks she is grown, she still feels that she can come to me when she is scared or sick.

Even if she would be totally my first choice for backup in a bar fight.