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Tuesday, November 29, 2011


As I was leaving work this evening, a cold wind blew through the trees. I caught myself thinking, "That wind smells like cold".  Huh?  WTF?  Does that sentence even remotely make sense taken out of context?  Or even in context, for that matter.  What the fuck does cold smell like?

It smelled like the wind tonight, I will tell you that much.

Saturday, November 26, 2011


I really feel as though Thanksgiving totally got forgotten.  I totally feel for it, as my family regularly forgets to tell me important things.  Like hey, by the way, your mother has moved out of your childhood home into a condo in another city and no one mentioned it to you...that kind of forgotten.  But hey, don't worry Thanksgiving, that kind of neglect really only adds months onto your future therapy needs!  In relation to the decades you will require, really, just a drop in the hat!

I guess I am as guilty as the next person of forgetting about Thanksgiving in the rush to get Black Friday deals.  My sister even contemplated camping out in the Best Buy parking lot and deep frying the turkey out there.  Then we realized that we might run of out alcohol that way and there was no way in hell my family was going to try to tolerate each other without it (even with the added sleepy effects of the turkey...) so that idea got nixed pretty quickly.  I must say though, that it really seemed as though Christmas overshadows Thanksgiving in a big way this year.

I guess if you compare the holidays, it is pretty much a no brainer.  What to emphasize; the birth of Christ or the beginnings of the systematic oppression and cruelty towards an entire race of people as well as the beginnings of pillaging the land for its natural resources to the extent that we change the climate of an entire fucking planet?  I would buy that if a.) Christians weren't responsible mainly for the latter, and b.) Christmas is really not about the birth of Jesus anymore anyways.

I do go shopping on Black Friday.  This year we skipped Walmart in favor of the $15 jeans at Old Navy.  I have lost a lot of weight (thank you, Dukan diet!) and was down 3 jeans sizes, so that was a no brainer.  Then we went to the mall and for some reason stood in line forever to buy shit at Express.  Only reason why I went for this was because I have my nephew's name for Christmas and he wanted a fucking $60 hoodie that was on sale for $38.  His damn fleece pullover cost more than two pairs of my jeans.  Whatevs, it was what he wanted.  Then we went to Perkins and had really crappy food with even crappier service and waited till 5 AM for Kmart to open to complete my shopping.

I am providing these details because I want to clearly emphasize the next point:  I was tired the rest of that day.  No duh, right?  So I did not go grocery shopping until later that night.  And when I went, I kinda got the feeling I was witnessing the aftermath of...something.  Like an overly dramatic teenager just flipped out on her parents because they tried to show her how to fold a shirt and OMG I am not a baby and you just need to LET GO  and you are RUINING MY LIFE BY BREATHING THE SAME AIR AS ME!!!! and now the parents are left reeling and staggering around with a massive headache, strong desire to drink, and a vague sense of impending doom.  That kind of aftermath.

This is what unfettered materialism does to people.  Capitalism is not bad.  I am all as "Yay Capitalism!" as the next person...but really, America, the workers of retail establishments are people too.  And they don't need to have that look the day after Thanksgiving.  It should be the OMFG I ate too much turkey and now my pants don't fit look.

And for the record, I did today support a small business on Small Business Saturday :) Yay Capitalism!

Sunday, November 13, 2011


I have been slowly weaning Charlie off her bottles. By slowly, I mean that I have been thinking about how the hell I am going to do this.  That child loves her ba-bas like Katy Perry fans adore her music...with a fiery passion that only they understand (I mean, really?  Have you ever tasted formula?  Or actually listened to Katy Perry's voice?)

I attempted to give her some formula in a cup with her lunch today.  The look she gave me clearly indicated where she thought my intelligence quotient was for that exact moment, and I can tell you that it was NOT in the upper percentiles.  It was probably not even in the low average percentiles.  She barely drinks juice out of a cup; I don't know why I was kidding myself that it was going to be that easy.  She then proceeded to take the cup, look me directly in the eye, and drop it on the floor.  She then resumed shoving her cheese into her mouth.

The doctors recommended that we cut out her nighttime bottle after this last (her 6th...) ear infection.  She is supposed to get tubes on Monday.  Clearly there is some medical necessity here as she is only 10.5 months old...I think they think that we are propping her bottles up for her and allowing her to fall asleep with them, hence the recommendation.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  We have that poor child sitting up so straight while drinking them that it almost looks uncomfortable.  Or maybe they are trying to hint to me that I should start doing more than just thinking about weaning.

I could say that my reluctance to wean is because I want to keep her a baby.  But then I would be lying, and liars go to hell (it's in the Bible somewhere, I am sure...).  I have been actually really enjoying the past few months of watching her bloom and grow.  Sure, it is a bit sad that my baby girl is going to be a year old soon.  But...I never really got to enjoy either Elizabeth's or Alexis's baby-hood the way I am Charlie's.  I was too busy trying to just survive (for different reasons for both, but it was survival nonetheless.)  With Charlie, I have been able to marvel and enjoy every last milestone.  I can watch in amazement as she learns to climb, to blow kisses, to talk.  I don't have all of that other stuff to distract me from the miracle that she is.  I find myself eagerly anticipating her next move in a way I did not with the other two because I AM thoroughly able to enjoy the present now.

I just don't want the fight of it is all.  I am still holding out hope that she will be like Alexis and wean herself (and transition herself to a big girl bed, and potty train herself....hey, a girl can dream right?)  However, unless in the next three weeks she drastically reduces her desire for a bottle, she is NOT on track for this.  I will have to do this the old-fashioned way, I guess.

Now, time to google what the old-fashioned way is.  Guess I am still thinking about it :p

Monday, November 7, 2011


I have a necklace that I had made for Gabe (from, the footprint necklace if you are interested).  I have worn it daily since the day that I got it.

Last week, I was at the office and it slipped off of the chain it was on.  I noticed it in my cleavage and re-attached it to my necklace, with the vague thought of having Charles take a pair of pliers and tighten the loop up when I got home.  Needless to say, when I took Charlie to her apppointment at the ENT (tubes it is!  I guess 5 ear infections in only 10 months of life raises a red flag...) I lost it again.

I had tried to call security at the hospital...nope.  No one had turned it in.  I had resigned myself to having to buy another one because I was sure that it had gotten run over by a car and crushed, when I got a voice mail from a stranger saying, "I think I have something that belongs to you".

I assumed that it was security, and I was STOKED.  I called, described the charm, and sure was it.  She asked how she could get it back to me, and I mentioned that I would be back at the hospital again soon.  She agreed to leave it with security.

Then she said, "I found that necklace, and you know, I never usually pick stuff up off the ground.  Something told me to grab this, though.  I am so glad I did...if it had been me I would have wanted it back.  I ended up googling the name, found the obit, then your blog...I am so very sorry for your loss."

I was speechless.  This woman (she did give me her name, but I don't have her permission to publish it so I am not going to...) went through all of that time and effort to return a trinket that was worthless to everyone else but me?  I was moved beyond words.  Her simple gesture of trying to return my necklace to me made my freaking year.

This woman unknowingly re-affirmed for me the basic goodness of human beings.  I see so much crap, so much awfulness, that one basic act of kindness reminds me of why I do what I do.  People ARE good.  People do care.

Thank you.