Charles: So some "college girl" stopped by today selling books. She asked if I had kids and I told her I had an 18 year old. Then she mentioned the toys in the back yard, and asked if I had nieces and nephews. I wanted to tell her they were mine, but I just went with it. She left, though, after trying to talk about how she is from Wisconsin, but yet wanted to give back to the community. Like, what the fuck? You don't even LIVE in the community.
Me: You should have told her they were yours.
Charles: Yeah. "They're mine. I don't have to share. I'm an adult."
Later on, talking about people coming in our yard to do things like meter reading or door to door sales:
Charles: I kinda hope the next time someone tries to sell stuff to us its another college girl. I'm gonna turn around and yell "Hey guys! That place sent us a college girl this time! It was worth the money!" Then when she goes "But I really am a college girl" I'll say "And yeah, the last one was a French Maid. And the one before that was a chef."
Me: Oh my God. Please do this. And video it.
Charles: Nah, I'll just go "You're late. You were supposed to be here a half hour ago."
Me: "So come in and get naked." Wait, you'll probably get someone who's into that kind of stuff and is all like, "OK..."
Charles: Yeah, then I will have to boot her ass out. (Mimes kicking someone out the door.) We'll be put on a list of places to never go. "Like, those people are freaky. Don't go there."
Me: Yeah, like a "Do Not Call" list, but for door to door salesperson. We will be banned for perpetuity. This is sounding more and more like a good idea. Let's do it.