Charles shows me a video of how to grow a man beard, involving pouring various alcoholic beverages on it as well as using sandpaper and a cheese grater to massage the growing beard:
Charles: Do you want me to do this to make my beard grow?
(Mind you, his beard is covering his neck...)
Me: Hell no!
Charles: (laughs) It's good enough?
Me: I don't want you to fuck up my cheese grater.
Charlie, after we got Gunner: Mama, when are we going to get more dogs?
Me: More dogs? Three is enough!
Charlie: Well, if three is good, five is better...
Texting with Elizabeth:
Elizabeth: I have a doctor's appointment on Monday. Do I need any insurance things?
Me: Insurance has not changed but you can't use the flex spending card anymore. Should be a $20 or $40 copay. Get a receipt.
E: Okay LOL why do I need a receipt?
Me: I want one LOL To keep track of our medical expenses this year.
E: Why do you need to keep track of that?
Me: If it gets above a certain amount we can get a tax deduction.
E: So should I try to get sick more often?
Me: LOL no
E: Fine just trying to save you guys some money.