My husband is not my best friend. Don't worry, he knows this and is cool with it. I have a different relationship with him than I would if I had a best friend, and it is certainly different than the relationship he has with his BFF, Josh. And I am totally OK with that. I have no idea what those two do or talk about when they are alone together, and it's probably best that I don't. I mean, I like the man well enough, and we are friends...but in my mind I want a totally different relationship with him than with a best friend. Like, I don't want to sit around and talk about my period or go shopping with him, and I certainly wouldn't have sex with a best friend. Though he says he wouldn't mind that...joke's on him, maybe I'm looking for a male best friend...
There have been things that I distinctly remember my ex boyfriend's mothers teaching me. Like the importance of a fax cover sheet and putting it to someone's attention. And that you should take the bag out of a box of wine because there's usually at least a whole 'nother glass in there that otherwise would go to waste. You know, life skills. I wonder what kinds of things I have taught Elizabeth's exes. Probably what crazy looks like. Which is actually a pretty good life skill to have, being able to identify crazy, so Imma call that a win.
I've never realized how judgmental I can be until I was watching this Australian baking show with my daughter and her boyfriend and a friend. I'm all getting into the show, like "stop fucking crying and bake those cream puffs, Carol!" Like I am some kind of world class pastry chef or something and I totally have the knowledge and skills to do better. I mean, I can bake, but I need a fucking recipe so I can't just whip shit outta my head. Actually, I've never tried, mostly because I am worried about wasting the ingredients and I don't need to experiment with baked goods and have the failures lying around for me to eat later.
It is kinda a joke between Elizabeth and me that I make sure to wish her happy birthday on ALL social media we are friends on. At first, this was just Facebook, but then we added Twitter as well (once she unblocked me, that is. But don't worry...I had my ways of finding out what she was posting on social media despite this. She didn't used to say she hated my job for nothing...) This year, I realized, Fuck. I have an Instagram and I'm pretty sure she does too and we are friends. So I had to go find that and do it there too. I'm drawing the line though. No Snapchat friending so there's no need for birthday wishes there! Though I use Snapchat more than I do Instagram, so maybe we should switch this around here...
Deogie had to go get a lump on his leg removed recently. The vet had initially told me that she was pretty sure it was cancerous, so we had debated putting him through the surgery, but when it became apparent it was causing him discomfort, we went ahead. (Plot twist here: It was not cancerous!) He had the cone of shame for a few days when the fucker figured out how to get around it to lick his stitches...so he got an even longer cone of shame. It's too bad the surgery was so close to Halloween because I really wanted to dress him up as a martini and take him trick or treating...but I wasn't about to make him walk that much, especially being stoned from pain meds. Him being stoned, not me, that is. Charlie was kinda sad because for some reason she wanted him to dress up as a lion for Halloween. I can only assume that it was some sort of covert message she needed to send to her team of ninjas she is positioning in her quest for world dominance. Or maybe a lion is her spirit animal. It's hard to say with that one.
Alexis has recently decided that she is too big to say I love you to her mother in public. Charlie has also recently discovered that the tooth fairy and Santa and the Easter bunny are all elaborate hoaxes perpetuated by her parents. I'm all over here like, "don't you guys want to know where babies come from?" because goddamn. At least with that I can still pretend they are little.
