Roblux

So in an effort to bond with Charlie, I have started to play Roblox with her.  My username is Gmaw1217, if anyone is interested in going on there and fucking with me.  Because let me tell you something, my kid sure doesn't have a problem doing that.  The first time I went on with her, she gave me some kind of potion to make my head get huge and then informed me there was no way to get it back.  Well, turned out that was just until you stopped playing for that day but still.  I was stressed.

So WTF is Roblux, anyways?  Well, I think it's kinda like Minecraft?  Except you can actually tell what shit is in it.  And you can't build shit.  And the people look like Lego people.  So actually nothing at all like it.  But you get to run around in your own little world or try to go through what they call obbies which I *think* are kinda like obstacle courses for your little Lego man (or woman).  Then there are simulators too but I honestly have no idea what those are.

Literally I have no idea what I am doing when I am playing this game.

Let me enlighten you on some examples of how this usually goes.  Charlie likes to play this game, Adopt Me, which is where you can choose to be a parent or a kid and try to find a family of your own.  There's literally children wandering the streets looking for a mommy or daddy, or some sort of reasonable facsimile.  That in and of itself is pretty disturbing for me.  Like, what happens if you don't find a family?

Anyways, here is some actual things that have been said and done in game play.

Me: What the...there's something flying at me!

Charlie:  It's a dragon, Mom.

Me: It looked like some kind of demon!  What kind of game are you playing here?

Charlie: People can get them as pets.

Me: I want one.

Charlie:  You can go get an egg to hatch for a pet.  It'll probably be a cat though because those are common.

Me: Wait, what?  I'm hatching a CAT from an EGG?  Someone needs a biology lesson here.

(Sure enough, I end up with a cat.)'

*Cat saying it's hungry again for the fifth time in as many minutes.

Me: Goddamn, this cat is needy.  I'm putting it away so I don't have to deal with it anymore.

(Great life lesson there, amirite?)


Me, decorating my  house:  WHY WON'T THIS CANDLE STAY STRAIGHT?  It's going to burn my house down!

Charlie:  It's not going to burn your house down.  It's too big for that shelf, that's why it keeps flipping to it's side.

Me: Right, that's exactly what one does in real life with a lit candle if it is too big for a shelf, flip it over.  Realistic much?


Me, in public with Charlie on Roblux: Ooohh, look, you can dance!

Charlie:  Mom, don't do that.

Me: There are six different dance moves to choose from!

Charlie:  Mom...just....stop.


Me:  (I took my cat to the hospital because it was sick.  Told you, needy as hell.) What the hell?  There's a demon flying at me here!  I'm leaving!  (Runs out of the building back to my house.)

Gets to my house and runs inside.

Me: Shew, I'm safe now.  Imma decorate some more.  But first I have to shower this stupid cat.

(While cat is in the shower, the demon appears, this time with hair on fire.)

Me: THERE IS LITERALLY A DEMON IN MY HOUSE.

Alexis, hating and doubting: Whatever, mom.  Let me see.  (Comes and sits on the couch with me.)

Me: Well, I ran away.  I'm going back to the village to get food. (Runs away, leaving cat in shower like the stellar parent that I am.)

Two minutes later:

ME: WHAT THE HOLY HELL!!!   THERE IS A DEMON FOLLOWING ME!

Alexis: OMG, there totally is!  That's creepy!

Demon on Roblux: Come with me (You can make these things talk to each other too.  I'm still not 100% sure how.)

Me: I'm outta here!  (Runs to the school)

Demon follows me.

I run to the camp ground.

Demon follows me.

I run to the soccer field.

Demon follows me.  Its hair is still on fire.

Demon: Come with me.

Me: HOW IS IT THAT MY PERSON ON ROBLUX NEEDS AN EXORCISM????

Turns out, this demon was actually my darling baby girl, who had changed her Lego lady into Beelzebub.  With fiery hair.  And you can teleport yourself to where your family is, which is how it kept showing up where I was.

Well played, Charlie.  Well played.

Letters V

Dear Bitchez,
I'M BAAAAAACCCKKK!!!

Took a bit of a hiatus from things here because life just got crazy.  Again.  That and I needed a break from feeling as though I have to come up with content for this blog.  I act like I post so often but goddamn even monthly was a lot.  How do people do this for a living? I mean I guess if I got paid I'd be making my ass think of shit to post....Do people even actually blog anymore?  Well, I was also the girl who french rolled her pants for a solid year after it became unfashionable, so...IDGAF. 

So let's see...where to start?  I'm now solidly in my new private practice and even hired someone.  I don't think she's figured out the level of crazy she is involved with yet so I'm hoping to kind of ease her into it.  I am still at my other place, mostly because I like my clients and my coworkers there, but also because it's currently a steady stream of income.  I'm doing well enough that I bought an expensive vacuum cleaner vs the cheap one.  But in the cheapie vacuum's defense, that fucker lasted over 14 years so yay for the Dirt Devil Jaguar?

Charles continues on his trend of being surgery free this year which is great.  We also decided that we were going to re-side, re-roof, and re-gutter our house after some crazy wind storms damaged the old, really shitty siding.  Let's just say, the roof and siding probably needed to be replaced the year before we bought the house and we just kept putting it off and putting it off because denial totally makes your problems disappear like Democratic votes in North Carolina.  Let's also say that insurance sucks monkey balls and their decision to only pay for 2 sides of the house in the old crappy siding despite there being 3 sides damaged (or, at the cost of the old crappy siding) when all four sides of the house in newer, prettier vinyl siding was only  slightly more ranks up there as a mystery of the times right along with who was Jack the Ripper and what was in the briefcase in Pulp Fiction.  The house now looks amazing but dear sweet baby Jesus having those people here working on the house was incredibly anxiety provoking for me, and therefore terrible for Charles.  We soldiered on through and have put off any additional house projects until next year because of the trauma.

Elizabeth, to my knowledge, continues to get through school without being a functional alcoholic or resorting to selling drugs. I like to think, though, that if she were dealing that she is smart enough to not get caught cause Mama didn't raise no fool.  She completed her internship in New York City at a high end jewelry shop and really solidified for me that my baby girl is likely not going to stay in Ohio.  Which, as much as that would suck monkey balls, means that I will get to travel to visit her.  I am sure her boyfriend would LOVE having the mother in law come to stay.

Alexis continues to barrel on towards adolescence.  She is excited for her 13th birthday, which means things like being allowed to wear makeup and sit in the front seat of the car.  She does occasionally warily emerge from the lair  bedroom to interact with us mere mortals.  She's still dancing and we still continue to root for dancing to evolve into stages vs poles.  She also got bumped up to freshman algebra because she's a fucking rockstar, but now I get to relive my freshman year of math with her.  I told her once she gets to Calculus, though, she's screwed because I only went through Pre-Calc in high school, then somehow convinced my undergrad college that I should take that AGAIN for my math credit.  Again, not a fool here.

Charlie also continues to barrel through life head first, but that's nothing new for her.  She decided to re-join the competition team this year, why, I don't know, but she did.  She is dog-obsessed and once told me "if three dogs are good, mom, five are better."  She has discovered YouTube and that her mother is incredibly mean and abusive and makes her do things like go outside to play and wear clothes without holes in them.  She also tries to get me to play Roblox with her, which is incredibly entertaining for everyone who is not me.  We really should video that shit and go viral, but I like my privacy too much.  Just trust me when I say, it's super entertaining. 

The animals are pretty much status quo, though Roman has decided that he hates all dogs not in his family so we have to work through that with him.  I blame it on spending too much time with Charles, because that man pretty much hates anyone who is not family.  The girls are trying to convince me to get a cat, but hell the fuck no because a.) Charlie's allergies, and b.) our last cat was psychotic and quite possibly plotting my death on the regular.  The chinchilla is just kinda quiet, as are the rabbits.

Oh, and Delilah is perfect as usual.  Duh.  Gigi does not get nearly enough time with her, but Gigi and her mama are both incredibly busy. 

So I guess this makes more than a tri-decadely letter.  Fucking sue me.  You'll get a house with really nice siding and that's about it.  Oh, and crippling student loan debt.  Enjoy!

Love,
Me

Rainbows IV

I went and saw Delilah today because I'd kinda like to establish an actual relationship with her vs.simply bribing her with whatever she wants when she comes sees me.  I mean, I am totally not above doing so if I need to but I figured her parents would probably like me to not have to sugar her up and spoil her with whatever she wants when she's around me.

Wait, who am I kidding?  That's gonna happen anyways.

So let's just say I'd like for her to recognize me when she sees me.  She's getting so alert, and of course was just being her adorable self today.  Even her spitting up and coughing and sneezing and farting on me were adorbs.  And of course she's a total genius because she can hold her head up so well and is so strong and totally knows who her mommy is and tried to hold her bottle all by herself and can get her fingers into her mouth.  Duh.

Before she marked me as her bitch by spitting up on me (three times) and then conking out all snuggled up to me, she appeared to notice my necklace.  She's never paid any attention to it before, but today it seemed to have caught her eye.  I even made a comment about it, but really did not think twice.  I mean, it's shiny.  She's an infant.  It's right at eye level when I hold her out in front of me to discuss very serious issues like how adorable she is.  

On the way home, it started to rain to the west of me, while to the east was sunny as can be.  Naturally, I looked for a rainbow.  I expected to see a normal, thin-ish rainbow, like what you typically see.  It was not:

These pictured do NOT do this thing justice.  At all.

This rainbow was the most intense, brightest one I have seen in my entire life. And it was THICK.  IDK if that was because it was mostly so close to the ground, or what...but I literally stopped my car to take these pictures at an intersection.  (Don't get your panties all in a bunch.  No one was around...I was so enthralled with it that I missed a turn and ended up near a NASA station somehow, so now I'm probably on about 30 watch lists...)

Coincidence?  Again, IDK.  I like to think my boy was signaling his approval of his niece.  Because duh, she's perfect.