So in an effort to bond with Charlie, I have started to play Roblox with her. My username is Gmaw1217, if anyone is interested in going on there and fucking with me. Because let me tell you something, my kid sure doesn't have a problem doing that. The first time I went on with her, she gave me some kind of potion to make my head get huge and then informed me there was no way to get it back. Well, turned out that was just until you stopped playing for that day but still. I was stressed.
So WTF is Roblux, anyways? Well, I think it's kinda like Minecraft? Except you can actually tell what shit is in it. And you can't build shit. And the people look like Lego people. So actually nothing at all like it. But you get to run around in your own little world or try to go through what they call obbies which I *think* are kinda like obstacle courses for your little Lego man (or woman). Then there are simulators too but I honestly have no idea what those are.
Literally I have no idea what I am doing when I am playing this game.
Let me enlighten you on some examples of how this usually goes. Charlie likes to play this game, Adopt Me, which is where you can choose to be a parent or a kid and try to find a family of your own. There's literally children wandering the streets looking for a mommy or daddy, or some sort of reasonable facsimile. That in and of itself is pretty disturbing for me. Like, what happens if you don't find a family?
Anyways, here is some actual things that have been said and done in game play.
Me: What the...there's something flying at me!
Charlie: It's a dragon, Mom.
Me: It looked like some kind of demon! What kind of game are you playing here?
Charlie: People can get them as pets.
Me: I want one.
Charlie: You can go get an egg to hatch for a pet. It'll probably be a cat though because those are common.
Me: Wait, what? I'm hatching a CAT from an EGG? Someone needs a biology lesson here.
(Sure enough, I end up with a cat.)'
*Cat saying it's hungry again for the fifth time in as many minutes.
Me: Goddamn, this cat is needy. I'm putting it away so I don't have to deal with it anymore.
(Great life lesson there, amirite?)
Me, decorating my house: WHY WON'T THIS CANDLE STAY STRAIGHT? It's going to burn my house down!
Charlie: It's not going to burn your house down. It's too big for that shelf, that's why it keeps flipping to it's side.
Me: Right, that's exactly what one does in real life with a lit candle if it is too big for a shelf, flip it over. Realistic much?
Me, in public with Charlie on Roblux: Ooohh, look, you can dance!
Charlie: Mom, don't do that.
Me: There are six different dance moves to choose from!
Charlie: Mom...just....stop.
Me: (I took my cat to the hospital because it was sick. Told you, needy as hell.) What the hell? There's a demon flying at me here! I'm leaving! (Runs out of the building back to my house.)
Gets to my house and runs inside.
Me: Shew, I'm safe now. Imma decorate some more. But first I have to shower this stupid cat.
(While cat is in the shower, the demon appears, this time with hair on fire.)
Me: THERE IS LITERALLY A DEMON IN MY HOUSE.
Alexis, hating and doubting: Whatever, mom. Let me see. (Comes and sits on the couch with me.)
Me: Well, I ran away. I'm going back to the village to get food. (Runs away, leaving cat in shower like the stellar parent that I am.)
Two minutes later:
ME: WHAT THE HOLY HELL!!! THERE IS A DEMON FOLLOWING ME!
Alexis: OMG, there totally is! That's creepy!
Demon on Roblux: Come with me (You can make these things talk to each other too. I'm still not 100% sure how.)
Me: I'm outta here! (Runs to the school)
Demon follows me.
I run to the camp ground.
Demon follows me.
I run to the soccer field.
Demon follows me. Its hair is still on fire.
Demon: Come with me.
Me: HOW IS IT THAT MY PERSON ON ROBLUX NEEDS AN EXORCISM????
Turns out, this demon was actually my darling baby girl, who had changed her Lego lady into Beelzebub. With fiery hair. And you can teleport yourself to where your family is, which is how it kept showing up where I was.
Well played, Charlie. Well played.
