Review of Truly Dream Pack Seltzers
Raspberry Rainbow: On the can, it says, "pot of gold not included." I'm channeling my inner Matthew McConaughey and saying it'd be a lot cooler if you did. Also wondering if this is to warn off the same people the "Do not use in the bathtub" tags on hair dryers were made for, though I totally see the appeal of trying to multitask like that. I like to think I have more common sense than that, but I once thought you needed to add water to Spaghetti-O's, so...Anyways, it has a subtle raspberry flavor. The only rainbow I've ever tasted is Skittles, and it does not taste like that, so they are about 50/50 with that advertising. Pairs well with Skittles.
Citrus Cloud: Can says "floating with flavor". This tastes like a subtle orange creamsicle. It reminds me of the TGI Fridays orange dream drink. Makes me want to put on low-rise flared jeans with a peasant blouse, square-tipped French manicure nails, and barely there eyebrows, and go sing at the top of my lungs Hollaback Girl, listened to on an iPod Nano, of course. Then I realize no one wants to see me in low-rise jeans nowadays, and I get sad, so that tracks with the whole Xiennal nostalgia thing. Pairs well with chicken fries from Burger King and a chocolate lava cake.
Strawberry Stardust: "Sip for the stars", the can says. This drink has a subtle strawberry flavor and, somehow, nothing at the same time. At the same time, it's giving concepts of a flavor vibes. Do I have COVID, and have I lost my sense of smell? Maybe it's a tumor? Xiennials will remember from childhood: "It's not a tumor!" End notes of air, but at least it's not super polluted, so yay? Maybe the flavor comes light years later, like from the stars? IDK. This has about as much flavor as a rice cake or those shrimp chips at a Chinese restaurant.
Pineapple Daydreams: Can says, "What dreams are made of". Ignoring the whole ending a sentence with a preposition thing that my eighth-grade English teacher made me believe would result in me dying alone of a horrible death of some sort under a bridge, this drink is the least subtle flavor out of the four. Though why they chose subtly as a theme for these dream drinks is beyond me, because my dreams aren't subtle. I once had a dream that I got pissed at my husband because he was dismembering people in front of the children, because I was a serial killer who was killing pregnant women to try to capture their souls on camera as they were dying. Apparently, it is super inappropriate to dismember corpses in front of children. So yeah, take note of that. Maybe Truly should work on marketing? IDK what to tell you to pair with this anymore, TBH. Maybe not serial killing? Maybe cereal killing? I don't like cold cereal anyway, which some people feel is akin to serial killing, so maybe we've come full circle here.
