Cartoons

Charles recently introduced the little girls to the old school cartoons.  You know, the old Disney ones full of racism, addiction, sexism, and sexual innuendo that you don't get until adulthood.  Right, the wolf reading "How to pluck a chick" has NO Freudian meaning AT ALL.  Disney is such a bastion of wholesome values and freedom from stereotypes.  Great life lessons for the children.

I mean, seriously, this is the shit that we grew up on.  And by we, I mean the people who have to scroll down internet forms to find their birth year.  Not any of you youngin's still on the first page.  And it's not just Disney.  It was all over children's programming. Some of those story lines are pretty fucking disturbing.  I mean, have you ever actually listened to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?  He was made fun of and ostracized from society until he was suddenly of use to the fat burglar with questionable interest in not only young children and midgets, but attire.  The, Fuck.

Or what about Charlie Brown?  Lucy is running her unlicensed psychotherapy practice, Pig Pen is a walking Children's Services case, and the grown ups are heavily slurring their words in such a way that leads me to believe that they are likely on some form of barbiturate, chased down with a gin and tonic.  Plus, there is this uber aggressive female who is suspiciously reeking of the stereotype of the masculine lesbian who remains closeted.  Again, the fuck?

Charles showed the girls the Three Little Pigs.  I mean, seriously, their portrait of their father on the wall is actually sausage links with the word "Father" under them.  The wolf has some serious rage issues and probably didn't get hugged enough as a child.  And Little Red Riding Hood is taking Grandma cake and wine.  Because, you know, Grandma's old so may as well feed her diabetes and alcoholism when she's not feeling well.  Doubly fucked there.

Moving along to the latter years of my childhood...Legend of Zelda.  "Saved you again, Princess.  Kiss me."   So, Link, you're telling Zelda because you are a helpless woman who required saving, you owe me bodily favors.  Dude, get over yourself because likely Zelda was gonna get herself out of this pickle and you just inserted yourself into it out of some misplaced desire to be a bad ass.  Not to be repetitive, but the fuck?

For God's sake, at least the Simpsons were pretty up front about their sarcasm and wit and reinforcement of stereotypes.  "Eat my shorts" was shocking, to be sure, but at least it wasn't hidden as a vaguely disturbing, slightly phallic representation of someone's father.  Though one could argue that Homer's love of donuts was some sort of Electra complex thing...

I really think that the grown up in our lives needed to get laid more often, because goddamn, their story lines were just RIDDLED with pent up sexuality, on top of the rank sexism, racism, ageism, able-ism, etc.  Or perhaps I am just a twisted, disturbed individual.  I'll leave it up to you to decide.