Changes II

Sad day today in the Lambkins household...our unnamed sucker fish died. (Insert frowny face.)  I've been trying to remember how long we had that fucker, and it's been a while.  Like, Elizabeth had that thing for a while, like maybe since third grade I think, then passed it on to the little girls.  I'm just relieved that he never actually acted on any plans he may or may not have had to cut me in my sleep.  I told Charles to make sure that he got a good service at his burial.  He just looked at me like I am crazy, which I mean, I am, so I'm not sure what he was trying to say with that look...

This is just one of many changes that have been occurring around here.  Between the house drama, starting a new business, starting to see a functional medicine doctor, the ball of suck that is always spring weather, and getting a new puppy, things have been changing quite a bit here in a myriad of ways.  In fact, at around this time last year, I wrote another post talking about the changes that were coming back then.  Life has, over the past year, been in a constant state of flux, more so than usual it seems.

Roman Pedro IV.  Cute little motherfucker, isn't he?

It is very easy to be swept along during all of this change and to forget about the present because I am so focused on the future.  To focus on keeping the house clean in case we have a showing, versus crafting with the girls now.  To perseverate on how much money the practice is bringing in and if cutting my days at the other practice was a good idea versus being happy that I was even in a position to consider that.

I've always sucked at living in the now.  I am either obsessing over the past or worrying about the future.  I like the illusion of control that I can get from these activities.  But it is just that...an illusion.  God knows that if you had told me in March of last year that there would be so much up in the air, I would have tried to grab ahold of as much control as I could, and probably missed out on a lot.  Learning to let go has been an exhausting proposition sometimes, but I think a necessary one.  Not gonna lie, it's been one that has required quite a bit of therapy...but it's been good.