Reviews XIII

 Review of Simply Spiked Limeade

Signature Limeade: Yes, it's lime all right. It's not bad at all, to be honest. I'd rank it similar to Texas Roadhouse on a good night, when the steak is cooked just right and the waitress never lets your roll basket get empty. It's not Fancy like Applebees on a date night, nor as trashy as Here's your one chance Fancy don't let me down, but it's a solid beverage with the potential to be added to the list of things that basic bitches like. Though TBH, pumpkin-spiced coffee is not all that people make it out to be. But Uggs (or a reasonable facsimile, because therapists don't actually make as much money as one would think so we look for the dupes...) are super comfy. So I would rank this between Uggs and the pumpkin spice. But it's lime. So I guess add that to the basic bitch flavor list? IDK. You do you, boo.

Cherry Limeade: Picture this: Matthew McConaughey takes a sip of this beverage. He goes, "all right all right all right". Then he takes off his shirt and does the dance from Magic Mike. That is the equivalent of this beverage in visual media form. It's good. Not too sweet, not too tart. Would pair well with popcorn and Magic Mike. But 100% not for the plotline because that was terrible. But this beverage is not.

Passionfruit Limeade: I don't know that I have actually ever had a passionfruit. It's kind of elusive, like blue raspberry or a good Katy Perry song. It exists out there somewhere, you aren't exactly sure where though. Therefore, I cannot comment on how true this drink is to the flavor of a passionfruit. I will, however, comment on how it is a delectable libation worthy of five stars. This has end notes of wondering exactly what a passion fruit tastes like, then not caring because if it isn't this, you don't want to know.

Blackberry Limeade: Now blackberries are my absolute favorite fruit. Anything that fucks them up is akin to a violation of the Geneva Convention in my book. Luckily for the Simply Limeade brand, this is not something that fucks them up. Good news for the Simply Limeade people because my love for blackberries may have caused me to catch a case if they had screwed this up. But alas, this concoction is a lovely blend of flavors that titillates the taste buds. This is best enjoyed alone so you can savor the flavors. Or because I am four beverages in and I can't think of any kind of appropriate pairing. But I like this drink enough to say the former, so there's that.