Review of the Truly Lightly Flavored Party Pack:
Orange Squeeze: Well, the lightly flavored part is accurate, but I am not complaining. This is a, well, lightly flavored orange beverage. It is pleasant, though I would argue that there is more than just a squeeze of orange in it. A splash perhaps? Though that implies that it is not fresh and I am sure that that was the marketing that they were going for with the Orange Squeeze name. Semantics aside, this is a pleasant beverage with end notes of...wait for it...orange. Pairs well with a thesaurus and the knowledge that you are friendless because you are arguing with yourself over the name of an alcoholic seltzer and no one wants that kind of weird in their life. But this pleasant beverage...you do want this. It's pleasant. I am trying to convince you that I don't own a thesaurus and that I am not that kind of weird. Just go with it, OK?
Pineapple: In keeping with the lightly flavored theme, this is a lightly flavored pineapple seltzer. More importantly, it does not have the flavor of the devil food, coconut, in it, which automatically makes it a win in my book. This is the kind of beverage that will help you through that awkward time of year known as Labor Day weekend, wherein you want to desperately hold on to the last vestiges of summer but also want to embrace fall and are wondering if it is too early to put out pumpkins and dive into the Halloween candy that you already started to buy because if you don't, it will all be gone by the end of September because the Christmas stuff will be out because the world just can't fucking wait for time-appropriate sales of holiday merchandise. But yes, drink this libation and simultaneously mourn summer and celebrate fall. Then make an appointment with your therapist because you probably need it. Bring them some Halloween candy. Then recommend this drink.
