Thoughts

So as part of my dedication to making everyone else feel better about themselves, usually at my expense, I decided one day to keep track of all of the random thoughts that pop into my head and to share them with y'all.  Enjoy, bitchez.

1.) I could really get behind Jesus if I knew that he dropped an F-bomb every now and then.

2.) I smell cheese in this house.  Specifically American.  Where the fuck is that coming from?

3.) You know how there's male pattern baldness?  Maybe there's like, eyebrow pattern baldness.  Or pubic hair pattern baldness. 

4.) Related to the above:  Imma have to check out bald men's eyebrows more often now.  I don't think they'd like me inquiring about their pubic hair.

5.) So you know Revelations in the Bible?  I wonder if Donald Trump is like that white horsemen of the apocalypse.  Except for he might be more orange.  Perhaps the guy who wrote Revelations was color blind?

6.)  Is Kim Jong Un short?  I really feel like he'd be short. Like really short, under 5'3". (Quick Google search says he's 5'7"..  Was way off on that one)

7.) I wish my recipe for dairy free ranch dressing took the whole can of coconut milk so I didn't have to try to think of something else to use it for.  I wonder why I feel that coconut is a devil food, yet I don't mind coconut milk as long as it's in something (like ranch dressing).  Is there a gene for this?  Or maybe I had some kind of traumatic childhood experience involving coconuts.

8.) I wonder what I would be like hypnotized.  And what that hypnotizing dog is doing now that was on like America's Got Talent or some show like that.  My dogs don't hypnotize people.  Lazy fuckers.

You're welcome.