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Friday, January 3, 2014

Lucky

I have the craziest luck sometimes.

I decided to start out 2014 with a raging sinus infection and ear infections in both ears. This developed after spending less than 18 hours in a house with wood burning heat and no nasal spray for me to use. And also because Sjogrens disease is a fucker and dries out my respiratory tract, and 'cause the meds I am taking lower my immune system.   All of this caused a sinus infection bad enough to make one side of my nasal cavity swell almost shut and to give me ear infections that make the doc say "ew. Nasty." when she looks in my ears.  I like to do the new year up right, yo.

Back to luck. The weather gods also elected to be fuckers and yesterday dropped a shit ton of snow. I no longer have a four wheel drive vehicle cause I finally gave in to the need for a kid hauler where I can separate into different rows as needed. Great for maintaining my sanity and reducing alcohol consumption; bad for getting out of 6 inches of snow plus drifts.  Basically, I was not able to go to the doctor yesterday.

Today I called and got an appointment as we were shoveled out. I was relieved as I was about to take some Sudafed and that shit makes me feel so on edge...totally understand the whole crank but thing. I hopped into the van and out to the appointment. It was a half an hour away...but no big deal, right?  I mean if I was gonna have to go to Urgent Care that is about 30 minutes to drive, right?  Same distance?  Go to the doc, get the prescription, and swing into the drugstore on my way home. Be back in time for lunch, right?

Wrong.

I am going down a hill when the car starts to drive weird. I'm all "WTF?" And look at my gauges. Nothing wrong. Then I look up and see low air pressure. So I pull over and get out. Low air pressure my ass!  How about a completely fucking flat tire?  Now is not the time for mildly put warnings, van!  Why weren't you screaming "pull over dumbass yo tire flat!"

So I try to call AAA.  Line is busy. Ok understandable with the weather and all.  Call every other person I know who could change the tire for me. Nope. Now before you get all "why didn't you change it yourself?"  you should know it is also -3 at this time. Plus there is snow in the ground and I am a big old wuss.  Plus I am sick and all I want to do at this point was get home and take a nap.

I finally (after about 30 minutes on hold and after asking my hubby to come out) speak to someone and she says someone will be out in about an hour.  Awesome!  Charles arrives and gets to work. Even better!  I can get home and nap!  Yay!

Or not.

The spare tire won't release. Charles wiggles and jiggles. We consult and re-consult the owner's manual.  The fucking tire will not come off of whatever is holding it into the bottom of the van.

By now I am freezing and, with the urgency that only people who have given birth know, I have to pee. I get into the truck Charles brought along, but because I am a bit of an environmentalist at heart, I don't turn it on. I do get a call from AAA that says someone will be there in 15 minutes. Yay!

Thirty go by.  I call again and am given a new ETA. Apparently what my infection-riddled ears heard as 15 was actually 50.  Ok, still they should be here soon right?

Wrong.

Another hour. I call again.

The tow truck broke.the.fuck.down.

I really wish I was making this up.

By now I have to pee to the point where it is literally all I can think about. Like the panic attack I was trying to have when they told me about the tow truck breaking was overshadowed by the intense pressure on my bladder. I decide I am going to have to pee on the side of the road.

Good thing I did because it was another 2 hours before they got there. Bad thing was...I peed so long, hard, and much that it was splashing up on my jeans and I reeked of urine by the time the towing company got there.

At this point I did not even care. It is like that point after delivering a child...you have no modesty. You'd show your vagina to anyone if you thought they'd get you out of the situation you were in. When that man finally arrived, I climbed right up into his warm truck.

And cranked the heat. Screw the environment; I was cold!

Happy New Year!  Hope this is not a taste of the year to come!!!



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