I had originally thought that I might be up to writing one of those letters people used to send out around Christmas every year on this blog, but let's be honest here bitchez...I usually can't be arsed to commit to anything that serious as I have a hard time choosing the appropriate shopping cart in the grocery store, I can't even pretend that it is going to be an every other year thing as the last (and, well, the first really) was in 2013. 2016 has been a super special year, though, so I figured that it deserved a letter as well. Enjoy, and happy holidays!
Dear Bitchez,
Well, 2016 has been quite a year. And not just for this family, really, but for the nation as a whole...staring with Harambe and ending with Donald Trump and some super fun conversations with my daughters as to why slightly less than half of the nation thought it would be OK to vote for someone who lacks the appropriate knowledge of the female anatomy and thinks that you can grab women by their pussies in an attempt to get them in bed. Seriously, Donald, if you are gonna be a misogynistic douchebag, at least make your pathetic attempts at exuding toxic masculinity somewhat believable. No one grabs women by their pussies. Hair, maybe. Pussies, no.
This letter has gotten off to a great start, just like 2016 did for us! Sadly for my husband, there was not as much talk of felines as there was of surgery and physical therapy and being off of work for 5 months. The good news was that he was able to stay at home with the little girls this summer while he healed. The bad news was that he had a slight look of despair in his eyes most of those days, but let's be honest, he is married to me so that *might* have had something to do with it. Don't worry, he's back at work now. He totally missed the mismanagement and politics of his job, and was super excited to return to the news of no Christmas party or raises this year! Go team!
I left my former employer and went to private practice full time. So far, the reduction in stress has been worth it and I have remembered that I am in fact an adult who is capable of things such as time management and good decision making skills. Waiting for the insurance companies to pay up sucks monkey balls, but the trade off is totally worth it. Charles also decided to go and buy me a new to me vehicle that was more reliable for the longer commute since the van only had like 191K miles on it and was in totally great shape. If a heap of rusted metal with sometimes working parts constitutes "great" shape....
Elizabeth has graduated from high school and started college. She so far seems to be loving it and has managed to get a paid job running social media. She claims that the only reason she got it was because it is for the practice I am working at; however I only tried to extend nepotism to getting her an unpaid internship. She did all the work involved in getting them to pay her.
Alexis continues to barrel full speed toward puberty, which I look forward to with as much anticipation as I do things such as my yearly pap and a colonoscopy. She has continued to dance in competitions and to date has not descended into any kind of unsavory behaviors as a result, so I'm thinking that was a solid parenting decision there. High five for me!
Charlie decided to stop competition, briefly did gymnastics, then returned to the dance studio for acro classes. She started kindergarden this year, on the same day Elizabeth moved into college. This worked super well except for the fact that I had managed to injure my groin in a misguided attempt to start running to better myself, and this turned into a massive ball of suck to try to move her into college and then come visit while limping/on crutches. It also worked super well while trying to get a five year old ready for kindergarden. Yeah, I try not to think about the kindergarden/college thing too much....
It has been a bad year to be an animal in our household, too. Unless you are Reggie, then the prepping and ninja skills will serve you well. It started out with Bean getting mauled to death by Deogie, possibly from the frustration of not being allowed to hump Angel. I am sure the aftermath of this did not add to any therapy needs Elizabeth has AT ALL. Then, Angel passed away as well. She went fairly quickly and unexpectedly...started to pee a lot, and then died before we could get her to the vet. Then, Spartacus died unexpectedly shortly after this as well. Nothing like losing three animals in rapid succession to generate some super fun talks with the little girls!
All in all, things have been just a wonderful ball of change around this house! And stress. And uncertainty. So super fun and exciting and not at all anxiety-provoking! Here's hoping that 2017 has a little less of the change that 2016 has.
Merry Christmas!
Laura, Charles, Elizabeth, Alexis, and Charlie
Showing posts with label Vehicles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Vehicles. Show all posts
Sunday, November 27, 2016
Monday, July 25, 2016
Lucky II
I have the craziest luck sometimes.
Especially when it comes to vehicles.
Last year, we decided to go on vacation to Connecticut to visit my niece and nephew. And I suppose their parents as well, but mainly the two babies. Of course, the day before we left, my air conditioning in my van went out...and it was supposed to be like 90* with a thousand percent humidity.
Against my better judgment, we took it to this little shop here in town. They were pretty much the only ones open on a Sunday anyways. $500 later and they fixed it, right?
Wrong.
We weren't even out of Ohio when the fucking A/C stopped working. Less than an hour into a 9 hour trip. With 7 people. In a minivan. In 90* heat with a thousand percent humidity.
The drive there and back sucked monkey balls to the point that I didn't even blog about it after. And I blog about poop and the voices in my head, so that should tell you something. Let's just say that when I got home, I made a grown man cry I was so pissed. (Let's not mention the fact that it took them an ADDITIONAL FIVE DAYS AFTER WE GOT HOME to fucking fix it right...)
Fast forward to this summer. Guess what goes out?
If you guess the A/C in my van, you'd only be partially right.
Cause so did the A/C in the truck.
And the A/C in our house.
And it's 90* with a thousand percent humidity again.
And we took the van in to get re-charged, hoping against hope that was all it was...and of course it wasn't and they had to order the part and it won't get fixed until tomorrow. Costing just under another $400 dollars. Oh, and fixing the A/C in the house will cost another $900. Cause of course we need a new compressor and that shit is expensive, yo.
And don't forget my husband has hurt his arm and is off work for four months. We have disability insurance, but that's only 60% of his income. So not much extra money right now. And of course I want to go to see my niece and nephew again (and possibly their parents too, since I suppose they will be there as well...) but I am afraid of trying to leave the state and having another air conditioning unit breaking.
Lucky, right?
Yeah, fuck you.
I'd play the lottery but I'd probably get a paper cut from the ticket and end up with my thumb amputated after I get gangrene from the infection I'd get from the ticket being touched by the gas station attendant who handles money that has cocaine and malaria all over it. But not before failing a random drug test at work because of the coke residue that entered my system from the cut.
Wait, I have to take an anti-malarial medication for my Sjogren's. I'm covered there, at least! Finally, a win! Plus I'm pretty sure I just came up with a brand new excuse for failing a drug screen that my clients have NOT come up with, so there's that as well.
Especially when it comes to vehicles.
Last year, we decided to go on vacation to Connecticut to visit my niece and nephew. And I suppose their parents as well, but mainly the two babies. Of course, the day before we left, my air conditioning in my van went out...and it was supposed to be like 90* with a thousand percent humidity.
Against my better judgment, we took it to this little shop here in town. They were pretty much the only ones open on a Sunday anyways. $500 later and they fixed it, right?
Wrong.
We weren't even out of Ohio when the fucking A/C stopped working. Less than an hour into a 9 hour trip. With 7 people. In a minivan. In 90* heat with a thousand percent humidity.
The drive there and back sucked monkey balls to the point that I didn't even blog about it after. And I blog about poop and the voices in my head, so that should tell you something. Let's just say that when I got home, I made a grown man cry I was so pissed. (Let's not mention the fact that it took them an ADDITIONAL FIVE DAYS AFTER WE GOT HOME to fucking fix it right...)
Fast forward to this summer. Guess what goes out?
If you guess the A/C in my van, you'd only be partially right.
Cause so did the A/C in the truck.
And the A/C in our house.
And it's 90* with a thousand percent humidity again.
And we took the van in to get re-charged, hoping against hope that was all it was...and of course it wasn't and they had to order the part and it won't get fixed until tomorrow. Costing just under another $400 dollars. Oh, and fixing the A/C in the house will cost another $900. Cause of course we need a new compressor and that shit is expensive, yo.
And don't forget my husband has hurt his arm and is off work for four months. We have disability insurance, but that's only 60% of his income. So not much extra money right now. And of course I want to go to see my niece and nephew again (and possibly their parents too, since I suppose they will be there as well...) but I am afraid of trying to leave the state and having another air conditioning unit breaking.
Lucky, right?
Yeah, fuck you.
I'd play the lottery but I'd probably get a paper cut from the ticket and end up with my thumb amputated after I get gangrene from the infection I'd get from the ticket being touched by the gas station attendant who handles money that has cocaine and malaria all over it. But not before failing a random drug test at work because of the coke residue that entered my system from the cut.
Wait, I have to take an anti-malarial medication for my Sjogren's. I'm covered there, at least! Finally, a win! Plus I'm pretty sure I just came up with a brand new excuse for failing a drug screen that my clients have NOT come up with, so there's that as well.
Friday, January 3, 2014
Lucky
I have the craziest luck sometimes.
I decided to start out 2014 with a raging sinus infection and ear infections in both ears. This developed after spending less than 18 hours in a house with wood burning heat and no nasal spray for me to use. And also because Sjogrens disease is a fucker and dries out my respiratory tract, and 'cause the meds I am taking lower my immune system. All of this caused a sinus infection bad enough to make one side of my nasal cavity swell almost shut and to give me ear infections that make the doc say "ew. Nasty." when she looks in my ears. I like to do the new year up right, yo.
Back to luck. The weather gods also elected to be fuckers and yesterday dropped a shit ton of snow. I no longer have a four wheel drive vehicle cause I finally gave in to the need for a kid hauler where I can separate into different rows as needed. Great for maintaining my sanity and reducing alcohol consumption; bad for getting out of 6 inches of snow plus drifts. Basically, I was not able to go to the doctor yesterday.
Today I called and got an appointment as we were shoveled out. I was relieved as I was about to take some Sudafed and that shit makes me feel so on edge...totally understand the whole crank but thing. I hopped into the van and out to the appointment. It was a half an hour away...but no big deal, right? I mean if I was gonna have to go to Urgent Care that is about 30 minutes to drive, right? Same distance? Go to the doc, get the prescription, and swing into the drugstore on my way home. Be back in time for lunch, right?
Wrong.
I am going down a hill when the car starts to drive weird. I'm all "WTF?" And look at my gauges. Nothing wrong. Then I look up and see low air pressure. So I pull over and get out. Low air pressure my ass! How about a completely fucking flat tire? Now is not the time for mildly put warnings, van! Why weren't you screaming "pull over dumbass yo tire flat!"
So I try to call AAA. Line is busy. Ok understandable with the weather and all. Call every other person I know who could change the tire for me. Nope. Now before you get all "why didn't you change it yourself?" you should know it is also -3 at this time. Plus there is snow in the ground and I am a big old wuss. Plus I am sick and all I want to do at this point was get home and take a nap.
I finally (after about 30 minutes on hold and after asking my hubby to come out) speak to someone and she says someone will be out in about an hour. Awesome! Charles arrives and gets to work. Even better! I can get home and nap! Yay!
Or not.
The spare tire won't release. Charles wiggles and jiggles. We consult and re-consult the owner's manual. The fucking tire will not come off of whatever is holding it into the bottom of the van.
By now I am freezing and, with the urgency that only people who have given birth know, I have to pee. I get into the truck Charles brought along, but because I am a bit of an environmentalist at heart, I don't turn it on. I do get a call from AAA that says someone will be there in 15 minutes. Yay!
Thirty go by. I call again and am given a new ETA. Apparently what my infection-riddled ears heard as 15 was actually 50. Ok, still they should be here soon right?
Wrong.
Another hour. I call again.
The tow truck broke.the.fuck.down.
I really wish I was making this up.
By now I have to pee to the point where it is literally all I can think about. Like the panic attack I was trying to have when they told me about the tow truck breaking was overshadowed by the intense pressure on my bladder. I decide I am going to have to pee on the side of the road.
Good thing I did because it was another 2 hours before they got there. Bad thing was...I peed so long, hard, and much that it was splashing up on my jeans and I reeked of urine by the time the towing company got there.
At this point I did not even care. It is like that point after delivering a child...you have no modesty. You'd show your vagina to anyone if you thought they'd get you out of the situation you were in. When that man finally arrived, I climbed right up into his warm truck.
And cranked the heat. Screw the environment; I was cold!
Happy New Year! Hope this is not a taste of the year to come!!!
I decided to start out 2014 with a raging sinus infection and ear infections in both ears. This developed after spending less than 18 hours in a house with wood burning heat and no nasal spray for me to use. And also because Sjogrens disease is a fucker and dries out my respiratory tract, and 'cause the meds I am taking lower my immune system. All of this caused a sinus infection bad enough to make one side of my nasal cavity swell almost shut and to give me ear infections that make the doc say "ew. Nasty." when she looks in my ears. I like to do the new year up right, yo.
Back to luck. The weather gods also elected to be fuckers and yesterday dropped a shit ton of snow. I no longer have a four wheel drive vehicle cause I finally gave in to the need for a kid hauler where I can separate into different rows as needed. Great for maintaining my sanity and reducing alcohol consumption; bad for getting out of 6 inches of snow plus drifts. Basically, I was not able to go to the doctor yesterday.
Today I called and got an appointment as we were shoveled out. I was relieved as I was about to take some Sudafed and that shit makes me feel so on edge...totally understand the whole crank but thing. I hopped into the van and out to the appointment. It was a half an hour away...but no big deal, right? I mean if I was gonna have to go to Urgent Care that is about 30 minutes to drive, right? Same distance? Go to the doc, get the prescription, and swing into the drugstore on my way home. Be back in time for lunch, right?
Wrong.
I am going down a hill when the car starts to drive weird. I'm all "WTF?" And look at my gauges. Nothing wrong. Then I look up and see low air pressure. So I pull over and get out. Low air pressure my ass! How about a completely fucking flat tire? Now is not the time for mildly put warnings, van! Why weren't you screaming "pull over dumbass yo tire flat!"
So I try to call AAA. Line is busy. Ok understandable with the weather and all. Call every other person I know who could change the tire for me. Nope. Now before you get all "why didn't you change it yourself?" you should know it is also -3 at this time. Plus there is snow in the ground and I am a big old wuss. Plus I am sick and all I want to do at this point was get home and take a nap.
I finally (after about 30 minutes on hold and after asking my hubby to come out) speak to someone and she says someone will be out in about an hour. Awesome! Charles arrives and gets to work. Even better! I can get home and nap! Yay!
Or not.
The spare tire won't release. Charles wiggles and jiggles. We consult and re-consult the owner's manual. The fucking tire will not come off of whatever is holding it into the bottom of the van.
By now I am freezing and, with the urgency that only people who have given birth know, I have to pee. I get into the truck Charles brought along, but because I am a bit of an environmentalist at heart, I don't turn it on. I do get a call from AAA that says someone will be there in 15 minutes. Yay!
Thirty go by. I call again and am given a new ETA. Apparently what my infection-riddled ears heard as 15 was actually 50. Ok, still they should be here soon right?
Wrong.
Another hour. I call again.
The tow truck broke.the.fuck.down.
I really wish I was making this up.
By now I have to pee to the point where it is literally all I can think about. Like the panic attack I was trying to have when they told me about the tow truck breaking was overshadowed by the intense pressure on my bladder. I decide I am going to have to pee on the side of the road.
Good thing I did because it was another 2 hours before they got there. Bad thing was...I peed so long, hard, and much that it was splashing up on my jeans and I reeked of urine by the time the towing company got there.
At this point I did not even care. It is like that point after delivering a child...you have no modesty. You'd show your vagina to anyone if you thought they'd get you out of the situation you were in. When that man finally arrived, I climbed right up into his warm truck.
And cranked the heat. Screw the environment; I was cold!
Happy New Year! Hope this is not a taste of the year to come!!!
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