Heartbreak

One thing that no one tells you when you sign up for this crazy thing called parenting is how much it really sucks monkey balls sometimes.  All you hear about is the intense love you have for your child, this sweet innocent babe who will always turn to you for comfort and sustenance and will make your heart swell with pride and joy.  No one really mentions the swollen, rock hard boobs, the wildly fluctuating hormones, the fact that it is actually possible to get a negative number of hours of sleep in a day, the fact that someone can regurgitate on your shirt and you may stay in it for hours, if not the entire day...and that is just the first week of being a new parent.  That shit is glossed over.  Ya know that whole birth control/abortion debate out there?  Maybe it would not be an issue if we didn't gloss over the whole suckage factor that sometimes goes along with being a parent.

That is not to say that there are not really awesome moments.  Of course there are.  There has to be, evolutionarily speaking...or we would have evolved to eat our own young.  Sometimes, though, the amount of heartbreak that you have to go through with a child gets overwhelming...especially when the heartbreak is caused by things that are totally out of your control.  Or, even worse, things that WERE in your control.

Life throws shit at people.  This is a fact.  As a parent, we want to shield our children from this shit.  We can't.  You can't protect your children from life.  The worst feeling in the world, though, is when the things that you so desperately want to protect them from, you had a major role in creating.  The helplessness that goes along with that position is beyond description.  Watching your child struggle with emotions and get put in the middle and be basically torn in two...yeah.  Sucks monkey balls is just the tip of the iceberg.

As a therapist, I know I can't do emotional work for others.  They have to process, they have to make the changes...no matter how much I WANT something to happen, there is that old saying: "You can wish in one had and shit in the other...see which one fills up first".  I can't take ownership of other's emotions, nor can I wave the magic wand I don't have (despite what my clients believe) and make them be what I think they should.  I can just listen and be there and provide limited direction.  All of which is mostly easy to do because I am not involved.  I didn't go through the whole sour milk stinking, negative sleep, crying right along with the baby thing with them.  I am outside, neutral, and they don't know what buttons to push.

If only it were that easy with your kids....