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Monday, July 23, 2012


I have a confession to make.

I am not a fan of Elmo.  I was secretly relieved when Elizabeth and Alexis skipped over the whole being in love with Elmo thing.  I could put up with Blue's Clues, watch hours of Phineas and Ferb, and play Miss Clavelle all day long (though really, Elizabeth, a nun?  You had a great imagination...).  I was so glad that they did not get bitten by the whole Sesame Street bug.

Then came Charlie.  One day, the girls were bored and we were looking up videos on you tube because why the hell would I actually want to PLAY with my children.  I decided to go and look up this kinda cute video I had come across once:  a parody of LMFAO's "I'm Sexy and I Know It" called "I'm Elmo and I know It".  This was back before Charlie became obsessed, when the idea of a fuzzy red monster was cute in an arm's length sort of way.  You know, like when someone shows you a baby Tasmanian devil...adorable but definitely not something you want to get involved with long term.

Charlie took one hit off of the crack pipe called Elmo and was hooked.  Had he been a real drug she would be pawning her stuff and trading sippy cups of milk for her fix.  It was that instantaneous.  Now every time I try to ignore my children and go on the computer, she is all "Elmo?  Elmo?".  No, child, how the fuck am I supposed to ignore you if you are sitting on my lap smacking my arm every five seconds during the video that is playing?  Don't you know Mommy has important things to do on the computer?  Like Facebook?

I don't know what it is about Elmo that irritates me so.  He is my favorite color, after all, and at first glance is pretty cute.  Maybe it is his annoying laugh.  Maybe it is his inability to refer to himself in the first person.  Maybe it is the whole Tickle Me Elmo thing, where he looks like he is either epileptic or making inappropriate body movements.

All I know is...Elmo has made it so that I can put Charlie's ear drops in without sporting bruises worthy of a cage fighting match.  For that alone, I am eternally grateful to the little fuzzy bastard.

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