Today Charlie threw a fit. This in and of itself is hardly news because she is at the age where she throws fits for everything. Stop playing with your toys because you have to eat dinner? Throw a fit. Mama grabs your arm to keep you from running into traffic? Throw a fit. Your parents have expectations of you, things like EATING and BREATHING? Throw a fit.
What was different today was that while she was in the process of running into the living room to overturn the laundry basket of freshly folded clothes in her fit of rage (and if you know me and my abhorrence of folding laundry, that is a big fucking deal in this house...) I grabbed her and on pure instinct just folded her into my arms for a hug. I just held her for a moment. She then pulled away and asked me, "Pizza?" in a hopeful tone.
Just like that, the fit was over. It was almost as if she needed an anchor in that minute, someone to just hold her and make her feel secure. I don't know if it was a fluke, if it just was novel enough to catch her off guard, or if it was and is truly what she needs when she is that upset. I do know that some days, there are times when I wish someone would just grab me and hold on because I feel like I am in such a whirlwind. Like I am flying by the seat of my pants; like I have no right being an adult because I am totally faking it.
I can only imagine what it is like to be that young. Everything is new. Everything has the potential to be really cool or really scary. It is simultaneously exhilarating and horribly frightening. I need to remember that more often. Maybe she does really just need a hug when I feel like throwing her across the room. Maybe she does just need to know that she is safe.