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Sunday, January 15, 2017


Meet Gunner:

Why yes, he is a pit bull.  Feel free to judge away.  I would totally judge me too if I were you.

I really did not intend to get another dog so soon.  In fact, I kept telling Elizabeth that I was not emotionally ready to get another dog.  Though honestly, I'm not emotionally equipped for a lot of things, such as making sandwiches for lunches or figuring out how to accessorize an outfit, so trying my hand at raising another creature was enough to make me wish that my imaginary prescription for Xanax was real so I could in fact drink it down with some wine.

My friend, however, who has also lost her dog got a new one. (Side note: Spartacus was the first of four dogs within a block who died.  It was like some kind of bubonic dog plague hit our tiny village and killed off all of the senior dogs in the neighborhood.  More proof that 2016 was personally out to get me...)  I saw how well she did with her new baby, and since I can't pop out any more of the human variety and I was unsuccessful in convincing Charles that since I still have an ovary we should find a surrogate (that and the whole not being involved in people's toileting habits anymore thing is super exciting) getting a new puppy seemed to be rational.  I mean, I'm still involved in the toileting, but not quite as intimately.  Plus he was essentially housebroken when I got him, so there was that.

At first, Maximus was not too keen on the idea.  In fact, he was acting decidedly like a grumpy old man shouting at the neighborhood kids to get off of his lawn.  Deogie was mainly confused by Gunner trying to hump him occasionally.  Paybacks for you traumatizing the cat before she died, asshole.  Time you learned that no means no.  However, both have since gotten over themselves and have welcomed Gunner into the home with open arms.  It did require Maximus laying into Gunner at first and putting Gunner's entire head into  his mouth at one point...but they seemed to have worked it out and are on friendly terms now, I think.  At least, they keep sniffing each other's asses and I think that is how it works in the dog world.  Not 100% sure about that because I'm gonna go with if I were to try to sniff someone's ass to make friends with them, I would either end up with no friends or the kind of friends that run fetish sites on the Internet.

At least I am assuming that none of my friends run fetish sites on the Internet.  If you do, time to 'fess up, bitchez.  I won't judge.  It's hard to make a buck nowadays.  Hell, even the "can you hear me now" guy from Verizon turned to the dark side to pay his bills.

So we have a puppy now, and I get to train him and break him from all of his bad puppy habits and snuggle and cuddle.  I must admit, I am totally in love with the little fucker.  I've turned into one of those annoying people on Facebook who post a kajillion pictures of their animals or children (I already did the second, so now people are being inundated with Gunner pictures.)  Guess that makes me doubly annoying now but hey, if no one has taken Trump's Twitter away from him yet, I can post as many fucking pictures of my new puppy as I want AND write entire blog posts about him.  'Merica, bitchez!

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