Walking

Tonight Charles and I forced the little girls to go on a walk with us at a local park with a "nature trail."  I put nature trail in quotes because it is literally like a half mile loop through some woods, with a little creek.  Bitchez, I grew up with the Cleveland Metroparks...I can show you a goddamned nature trail, with a pretty good sized waterfall, even.  Hell, in high school we used to go into the woods at one of these trails as a cross country team and play tag.  For hours.  Well, not really, but sometimes it felt that way.  Point being, I am being indulgent to our small little town here by referring to it as a nature trail.  Maybe more like a nature footpath?

I digress.  Forcing the children to go, right.  I am literally the worst mother ever, for the record, because I made them go outside and play today.  They had to do things such as go swimming, play on the trampoline, and swing on the swingset.  I'm telling you, people, DO NOT parent like I do because activities such as these are surely screwing my children up way more than allowing them to have processed sugar and antibiotics for strep throat and watching Disney movies ever will.

It ended up being a good time. We took the dogs, Roman's first time in the woods ever, and Charlie read the story on the Storybook Trail the library puts up in the summer (NOT in the woods, mind you...It just goes around the little track around the baseball field at the park).  She was reading the book so casually, all like "NBD, Mom.  I can read words like accordion and frolic because I am so big now."  Alexis was out of her tween attitude for the moment and she and Charlie must have signed some kind of peace accord for the evening as they weren't actively plotting each other's demise while simultaneously verbally assaulting each other.  The weather was lovely and the park was empty (which it usually is.  Small town.)

It reminded me of summers in the past, when Alexis was a baby, and Charles and I would load her up in her little pull along thingy and hop on our bikes with Elizabeth.  We'd let her choose which way to go (which honestly, sounds more exciting than it really is in a town of less than a square mile; remember, small town?  I wasn't joking...) and would just ride all around with no real plan other than being out in the lovely weather and enjoying it.

It made me a bit sad, too, to be honest.  Elizabeth is all grown now, out doing her own thing at college.  She lives at school full time now, sharing an apartment with her boyfriend and her cousin at college.  She is an adult now, or at least a reasonable facsimile (really, aren't we all?  Does there ever come a day when you are like, yep, I am now solidly an adult?  I still haven't had that day if there is...).  We never had those times with all three girls, the lazy summer evenings when we just were together.

It is so over-said, but time does truly slip away.  Another year has gone by.  June is slipping away.  Gabe's birthday came, number 10, and I saw a rainbow that evening.  I deliberately took the entire week off, partly because the Fourth of July was on a Wednesday this year, but mostly because I was not sure how double digits was going to impact me.  I got through that day, as I always do, but now the first full week of July is gone and holy fuck, I didn't even write a blog post in June this year!  It's literally like trying to hold onto a fistful of sand...before you know it, time is just gone.

My baby boy, saying hi. 

I want to just grab my kids and hold tight.  To just freeze them where they are and to keep all of the nasty and the ugly and the flat out shit that is going down in this country today away from them.  To stop the heartache that is coming their way and the life lessons they will ultimately learn and the independence they will ultimately attain.  I just want to be free to wander with them, just a little longer, and to explore the world when it is still fresh and new and they are relatively un-jaded.

And, let's be honest, while they all still think I am at least alright.