Sourdough

 Alas, this is not a post about sourdough.  Well, at least not completely.  It was the catalyst for a lot of things.  But really, I'm here to introduce my chickens.

So how the hell do I go from sourdough to chickens?  Well, there apparently is a sourdough to chicken pipeline that I was not aware of, dating back to the pandemic when everyone decided to start making sourdough.  I did not back then; sourdough was a recent development for me.  Back then, the idea of having yeast pulled from the environment while there was a pandemic going on kinda freaked me out.  But, one day I was bored and decided to grow my own little spawn, named her Aiofe, and we were off.

Then, I was on The Tok and they said that when you start with sourdough and name it and all, your next step is chickens, and then like a whole ass homestead.  So I guess I am right on track with this pipeline of which I was not aware, but fuck it, it keeps me off the streets when I am done with my homework, right?  Plus, fresh eggs so...

Which leads me to the chickens.  The girls.  Not allowed roosters in town because they are loud AF, which is good because the fucking tree frogs are loud enough in their desire to get laid.  They need to be more like fireflies and just flash lights to get laid.  Like goddamn, the loud mouths in the bar are usually the least likely to get consensual sex, so STFU tree frogs.

Anyways, here are the ladies!

Two pictures because her feathers have this really cool iridescent purple/blue to them. The camera does not do them justice. Meet P.F. Chang, AKA Psycho

Coming out the gate with a bang, we have P.F. Chang, AKA Psycho.  I am pretty sure that she is the leader of a small section of the mob, mostly the chicken mob, really, and she will cut you because you dared to breathe the same air she has. She makes Kanye look stable. I am pretty sure she is on the FBI's most wanted list for crimes against humanity.  Or at least all of chicken-kind.  This bird will fuck.you.up.  And don't you forget it.

 Meet Rosalind

Rosalind is completely unbothered by any kind of thoughts.  In fact, her caloric needs are less than the average chicken because there is so little activity in her brain.  Think Hei Hei from Moana.  I am very glad that she is contained by the coop and the chicken run because she is likely to do something like walk off a cliff by accident. At times, she is startled by her own bodily functions.

 Meet Ginger

Original name, amirite?  Ginger is beautiful and she knows it, but it comes across as totally bitchy and shallow.  If chickens had a Mean Girls prom and cheerleading squad, she would totally be on it.  In fact, I did consider naming her Regina. I count her amongst the mildly personality disordered. She is the kind of girl who would have no problem going to college to find a rich husband, then sleep with the pool boy and run off with him when her husband inevitably gets popped for insider trading.

 Meet Esther

Esther is the Boomer of the group.  She enjoys things like liver and onions, Tuesday bridge club, and playing canasta whilst enjoying a nice Manhattan and chicken salad on a lettuce leaf with the girls.  She is also the gossip of the group and has been known to whisper about P.F. Chang's unsavory background whilst clutching her metaphorical pearls.  If chickens wore hats and gloves, she would.  Don't be deceived, though...she once let a boy get fresh with her in his daddy's car before they were even dating!

Meet Edna

Now, Edna is beautiful and also knows it, but she's not a total twat waffle about it.  She's one of those souls that are so innocent and all sugar and spice, but don't let that fool you.  Edna can also bring a grown man to his knees with her black belt ninja moves and actually cusses like a sailor in private.  She enjoys allowing the belligerent men from above to underestimate her because she's all pretty and cute, and then buys their companies out from underneath them in a hostile takeover, all the while smiling and somehow making them believe that it was their idea all along.

Meet Beverly

Beverly is also completely unbothered by any kind of thoughts or things like "common sense" or "any kind of survival instincts". She floats through life not really sure how anything works, but secure in the knowledge that somehow it all does.  She reminds me a lot of Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony.  In fact, if I were to take her Trick or Treating for Halloween, that is exactly what her costume would be because it's scary how an animated cartoon revival from the 80's version has captured her essence in a pink pony.  Her theme song should be Pink Pony Club, but not necessarily because she is gay but because she reminds me of a pink pony from an animated cartoon revival from the 80's My Little Pony.

Meet Ethel

Last but not least, we have Ethel.  Ethel is a retired NASA mathematician whose work was instrumental in the original launching of Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin to the moon.  She doesn't make a big deal of it because she's not an asshole and she understands that people could be intimidated by a mathematician.  She does have great stories, though, about the debate about who should walk on the moon first.  Ethel smokes slim menthol cigarettes and can line dance like a 20 year old.  She does enjoy daytime talk shows as a guilty pleasure and has been known to cry at episodes of Say Yes to the Dress.