Reviews I

I have been doing reviews of beverages on Facebook for a while, and Elizabeth’s boyfriend suggested I start posting them here as well so I will start moving them all over soon because why not?  May as well keep all the crazy in one place….

This beverage review brought to you courtesy of Dave and Faith, who purchased these for me to review to celebrate Cinco de Mayo:

Review of Mamitas Tequila and Soda Seltzer, Pineapple flavor: Well holy hell. This is a delicious, light beverage. No taste of tequila at all, which was a bit disappointing since, ya know, it’s in the fucking name and all. End notes of pineapple, which was not disappointing, since, ya know, it’s in the fucking name and all.  It’s gluten free which is good because people need something to blame for society’s sins and what better way to do this than to villainize sweet, sweet, delicious carbs instead of acknowledging that things started to go downhill when they started fucking with the flavor of Oreos and changed the freecreditreport.com band.  Pairs well with the false hope a 60° day in early May in Ohio gives you. 

Review of Mamacita Tequila and Soda, Paloma Flavor:

Ok, first off I had to Google WTF Paloma is because the closest thing to a cocktail I get is actual 7-Up in my whiskey with the good ice and an actual lime because I am not Fancy like Applebees and the only times I’ve ever consumed tequila is in a margarita or when I was in college in shot form. And I guess these Mamacita beverages now. And contrary to any rumors the fuckbois I dissed in college started because I was not DTF in a dorm room that stunk of ball sweat and Cheetos, I don’t put just anything in my mouth. Therefore, I cannot comment on if this thing tastes like an actual Paloma or not. Maybe?  I don’t know?  Anyways, this is also a delicious beverage. We will call it Paloma-esque. Palomish maybe?  Sure. Pairs well with a reminder to my ride and dies (you know who you are) to delete my Internet browsing history when I die, especially if it’s under mysterious circumstances. Because maybe I’ve now pissed off Paloma aficionados and I have a bounty on my head. Actually, no matter how I die, can we just say it was that?  And also, a flash mob and good snacks at my funeral would be great. Serve Palomas, too.