Starting from the very beginning…
So I made the mistake today, much to my family’s delight, of going grocery shopping hungry. Among the things that I bought was the new Bud Light Seltzers. I figured since I have nothing else to do this evening, I would try each flavor and leave you a review. Idk if I will get to all four flavors today, but I promise that I will review all of them at some point. So here goes...
Black Cherry. Vaguely reminiscent of Zima plus cherry Jolly Rancher but with a wannabe hipster twist. Tastes like ironic usage of “bae” with undertones of crippling student loan debt and the scent of your parents’ basement. Pairs well with avocado toast.
Mango: Tastes like mango that has been seltzered. Brings up dreams of tropical vacations to escape the dreary drudge that is your day to day existence. Reality soon smacks you in the face as you realize that it only has 5% ABV and you will, in fact, not get drunk off this as your tolerance skyrocketed in your early 20’s due to said student loan debt and sundry poor life choices you are drinking to forget. Focus on the mango. Grab ahold of it with both hands because Dear God, this is your life now.
Strawberry: Flavored similarly to Bonne Belle Lipsmackers. Makes you feel slightly uncomfortable to drink something that’s alcoholic yet tastes like childhood. End notes are a weird mix of college walk of shame and Teletubbies. At the same time.
Lemon lime: Strong notes of lemon Windex with a lot of hell the fuck no aftertaste. Could possibly be used to freshen up the garbage disposal or dispose of someone you despise. Tastes like affliction, lamentation, and self-reproach. Don’t drink unless you enjoy cleaning products. Seriously, Windex.
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