Review of Smirnoff Ice Sunny Days Cosmic Snow Cone: I had concerns initially looking at the can of this beverage because it kinda reminds me of cotton candy and if this was that flavor, I was going to be pissed because cotton candy is to be eaten (not drank) in a sugar-fueled frenzy that ends with a child crashing in their car seat with an overpriced toy from whatever sportsball/Disney on Ice/carnival they attended gripped in their sticky, slightly dirt-encrusted hands. Good news, this is not cotton candy flavored so my concerns were for naught. The can states "cherry and citrus flavored," and yep, that is accurate. This would probably be delicious frozen. You know, like a snow cone. Whoda thunked it? This would pair well with a hot summer day. Way to torment us Ohioans, Smirnoff. Summer is still solidly out of our grasp and will be for a while. I swear to GOD, if they release some kind of Christmas or Fall beverage in July, I just might lose my shit. I need to consume this on a 90 degree day, preferably while in my pool on my Big Joe floaties. Afternotes of I want it to be fucking summer already dammit and God I hate spring.
See? The can on the left. Very reminiscent of cotton candy.
Review of Smirnoff Ice Sunny Days Lemon Ice: Remember Squirt? This is it, alcoholic. Also would taste quite lovely frozen. It also reminds me of those Italian Ice things you can get at the grocery. Albeit unfrozen. This beverage is quite fetching. I imagine that if Bridgerton were to take place today, this would be what would be served whilst gossiping about the crazy king and his frigid wife. Except for Americans elected ours so really we have no one to blame but ourselves for that one. But seeing as how we are gonna be back to women having no rights and men being ridiculous and settling things by shooting actual guns at each other in a so-called civilized manner, AKA a duel...like seriously, who the fuck arranges for a doctor to be at a gun fight? Rich men who get their panties in a wad, that's who. I digress though. Bridgerton. Balls. Gossip. Sipping Lemon Ice.
Review of Smirnoff Ice Sunny Days Orange Cream Pop: Anyone remember that TGIFriday's beverage, the Orange Dream? That you had to blend up with ice but it was a lovely alcoholic orange creamsicle? This is that beverage, but carbonated. This would also taste lovely frozen. I'm sensing a trend, but I could be wrong. (I'm not. I felt the urge to be modest. Maybe because of Bridgerton above, and that is supposed to be attractive I think? IDK.) This beverage goes well paired with 90's and early 2000's music, while sitting in your house with brightly colored walls and honey orange oak trim, watching Trading Spaces or The Sopranos. Pairs well with stuffed crust pizza, chocolate lava cake, low rise jeans, and camis that look like lingerie. And if that last sentence struck a chord with you, then it is time to seriously consider scheduling a colonoscopy.
Review of Smirnoff Ice Sunny Days Red, White, and Berry: Well, here is a bomb pop in a can. Completing the quartet here, would also be delicious frozen and consumed in the throes of hot girl summer. Except for my hot girl days are LONG gone and now it's just hot weather. This is a refreshing cherry/berry beverage, with end notes of berry/cherry and a hint of citrus. And yes, I intended to reverse the cherry and berry there so don't come at me, OK? It should be enough that I do these reviews for free. And since this beverage reminds me of the Fourth of July, it makes me want a hot dog real bad. And if that last sentence rings a bell with you, you probably have car, purse, AND bathroom ibuprofen. Pairs well with, well, hotdogs and potato salad and spending the next day in bed because you threw your back out playing cornhole and did not have access to said car, purse, or bathroom ibuprofen.
