Charles: (referring to the TV show Swamp People) They are making this appeal to people who think that women aren't as good as men. I'll bet Liz could kick most men I know's ass...
Me: I am just so proud of you right at this moment...
Charles: Well, you could give me a blow job...
Me: And then you just kept talking...
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
Miscellaneous
Do you know that there are entire television shows dedicated to filming people (mainly men, with a token woman thrown in) hunting wild game?
There are also shows dedicated to guns and target shooting.
This was information that I could have gone pretty much my whole life without knowing, and still felt that I was a pretty educated individual.
Just sayin'...
There are also shows dedicated to guns and target shooting.
This was information that I could have gone pretty much my whole life without knowing, and still felt that I was a pretty educated individual.
Just sayin'...
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Memories
The aroma of vinegar is forever associated with the dyeing of Easter eggs by me. I remember the excitement of coloring eggs every year for Easter, using the Paas kits. They have not changed much in the 30+ years I have been doing this...still the same little tablets that bubble, the same clear crayon that magically makes words come out on the eggs, the same wrappers that you can put around the eggs that crack. There are a few minor differences in what I do and what we did when I was young...I don't keep the eggs out on the table for weeks at a time and then allow my children to eat them (MOM!!!), Elizabeth is way more creative with her decorations than we ever were as children, my kids actually eat the eggs we dye (to me, any egg tastes like a tiny bit of hell in your mouth). The act of dyeing the eggs, though, is essentially the same.
When I have grandchildren I want to do this with them. It might just be eggs, but there are memories there. It was a time from my childhood I can remember being happy. It was fun and innocent. I want that to keep up throughout the generations. There is wonder in the fizzing of those tablets, the creation of something pretty from something plain, the time spent together. It is worth spending time on, because the payback is rich.
When I have grandchildren I want to do this with them. It might just be eggs, but there are memories there. It was a time from my childhood I can remember being happy. It was fun and innocent. I want that to keep up throughout the generations. There is wonder in the fizzing of those tablets, the creation of something pretty from something plain, the time spent together. It is worth spending time on, because the payback is rich.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Heartbreak
One thing that no one tells you when you sign up for this crazy thing called parenting is how much it really sucks monkey balls sometimes. All you hear about is the intense love you have for your child, this sweet innocent babe who will always turn to you for comfort and sustenance and will make your heart swell with pride and joy. No one really mentions the swollen, rock hard boobs, the wildly fluctuating hormones, the fact that it is actually possible to get a negative number of hours of sleep in a day, the fact that someone can regurgitate on your shirt and you may stay in it for hours, if not the entire day...and that is just the first week of being a new parent. That shit is glossed over. Ya know that whole birth control/abortion debate out there? Maybe it would not be an issue if we didn't gloss over the whole suckage factor that sometimes goes along with being a parent.
That is not to say that there are not really awesome moments. Of course there are. There has to be, evolutionarily speaking...or we would have evolved to eat our own young. Sometimes, though, the amount of heartbreak that you have to go through with a child gets overwhelming...especially when the heartbreak is caused by things that are totally out of your control. Or, even worse, things that WERE in your control.
Life throws shit at people. This is a fact. As a parent, we want to shield our children from this shit. We can't. You can't protect your children from life. The worst feeling in the world, though, is when the things that you so desperately want to protect them from, you had a major role in creating. The helplessness that goes along with that position is beyond description. Watching your child struggle with emotions and get put in the middle and be basically torn in two...yeah. Sucks monkey balls is just the tip of the iceberg.
As a therapist, I know I can't do emotional work for others. They have to process, they have to make the changes...no matter how much I WANT something to happen, there is that old saying: "You can wish in one had and shit in the other...see which one fills up first". I can't take ownership of other's emotions, nor can I wave the magic wand I don't have (despite what my clients believe) and make them be what I think they should. I can just listen and be there and provide limited direction. All of which is mostly easy to do because I am not involved. I didn't go through the whole sour milk stinking, negative sleep, crying right along with the baby thing with them. I am outside, neutral, and they don't know what buttons to push.
If only it were that easy with your kids....
That is not to say that there are not really awesome moments. Of course there are. There has to be, evolutionarily speaking...or we would have evolved to eat our own young. Sometimes, though, the amount of heartbreak that you have to go through with a child gets overwhelming...especially when the heartbreak is caused by things that are totally out of your control. Or, even worse, things that WERE in your control.
Life throws shit at people. This is a fact. As a parent, we want to shield our children from this shit. We can't. You can't protect your children from life. The worst feeling in the world, though, is when the things that you so desperately want to protect them from, you had a major role in creating. The helplessness that goes along with that position is beyond description. Watching your child struggle with emotions and get put in the middle and be basically torn in two...yeah. Sucks monkey balls is just the tip of the iceberg.
As a therapist, I know I can't do emotional work for others. They have to process, they have to make the changes...no matter how much I WANT something to happen, there is that old saying: "You can wish in one had and shit in the other...see which one fills up first". I can't take ownership of other's emotions, nor can I wave the magic wand I don't have (despite what my clients believe) and make them be what I think they should. I can just listen and be there and provide limited direction. All of which is mostly easy to do because I am not involved. I didn't go through the whole sour milk stinking, negative sleep, crying right along with the baby thing with them. I am outside, neutral, and they don't know what buttons to push.
If only it were that easy with your kids....
Monday, February 27, 2012
Trigger
What thoughts must have been going through his head, right before the finger went on the trigger?
What does it take to make someone actively contemplate taking another's life?
What more does it take to make someone act on those contemplations?
How tortured must someone be, to search out people to kill.
How heart-wrenching for the families, friends, survivors, witnesses, staff.
Tragedy all over. Tonight, sounds of sobbing where there should be a parent being ignored by their teenager. Sounds of grief, of heartbreak, when there should be sounds of life.
Death, when there should be life.
People will start to point fingers. Who missed what. Who should have done what. It has already started.
The parents will be blamed. Society in general will be blamed. Liberals will call for more gun control; conservatives will call for a reversion to the days when corporal punishment was allowable and preferred in school.
Yet...none of this answers that basic question of why. And what. And how.
Words escape me at this moment. It is a parent's worse nightmare. And so close to home.
Just a trigger pull away.
What does it take to make someone actively contemplate taking another's life?
What more does it take to make someone act on those contemplations?
How tortured must someone be, to search out people to kill.
How heart-wrenching for the families, friends, survivors, witnesses, staff.
Tragedy all over. Tonight, sounds of sobbing where there should be a parent being ignored by their teenager. Sounds of grief, of heartbreak, when there should be sounds of life.
Death, when there should be life.
People will start to point fingers. Who missed what. Who should have done what. It has already started.
The parents will be blamed. Society in general will be blamed. Liberals will call for more gun control; conservatives will call for a reversion to the days when corporal punishment was allowable and preferred in school.
Yet...none of this answers that basic question of why. And what. And how.
Words escape me at this moment. It is a parent's worse nightmare. And so close to home.
Just a trigger pull away.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Zombies
I had a conversation tonight with Elizabeth that concerned rabid zombies with feelings in a Will Smith movie that I am convinced was an allegory for the so-called homosexual agenda in the US. A dog died in this movie, apparently after turning gray and losing all of its hair. I am not convinced that this dog did not have just rabies and mange vs. being infected by zombies, but whatevs. I also learned that becoming a zombie is comparable to most communicable diseases in that it is spread through contact with saliva and blood. It involved a thorough discussion of what we would do in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse as well as much detail about the comparison between zombies and gay people. Zombies don't want to change, y'all...they just want to be allowed to be who they are. (And for the record, I was not comparing gay people to zombies; I was merely using this as a teaching moment to illustrate to my child how easy it is to rationalize the marginalization of an entire group of people when you lump them into the "other" category. I do occasionally parent responsibly...)
These random products of our somewhat twisted minds; this conversation that would concern some people were they to overhear us...these are the things that I enjoy the most about the teenage years. The developing adult sense of humor, the ability to appreciate satire and to engage in witty back and forth banter. It on occasion makes the sullenness, the lability of mood, the general attitude of OMFG MOM! YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT AND IF I WOULD NOT GET GROUNDED FOR LIFE I WOULD TOTALLY TELL YOU TO FUCK OFF! much more bearable.
In these moments, I get a glimpse of the woman that my daughter is going to become. I see beyond the torture that is the adolescent era to the strong, intelligent, and capable adult that will be. And I think, "I was responsible for this. I helped create this. I helped shape this."
Truly, a humbling experience.
These random products of our somewhat twisted minds; this conversation that would concern some people were they to overhear us...these are the things that I enjoy the most about the teenage years. The developing adult sense of humor, the ability to appreciate satire and to engage in witty back and forth banter. It on occasion makes the sullenness, the lability of mood, the general attitude of OMFG MOM! YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT AND IF I WOULD NOT GET GROUNDED FOR LIFE I WOULD TOTALLY TELL YOU TO FUCK OFF! much more bearable.
In these moments, I get a glimpse of the woman that my daughter is going to become. I see beyond the torture that is the adolescent era to the strong, intelligent, and capable adult that will be. And I think, "I was responsible for this. I helped create this. I helped shape this."
Truly, a humbling experience.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Texting II
Me: Wanna come watch me play in a concert in May?
E: Play what?
Me: My violin.
E: Oh duh ya sure but if it sucks I want my money back! jk
Me: It is free. Nice try tho.
E: Well I will still expect some kind of compensation if it goes down in flames.
Me: I'll spot you a ride home then
E: Oh, OK, that will work!
The goal here, people, is to minimize the decades of therapy required...
E: Play what?
Me: My violin.
E: Oh duh ya sure but if it sucks I want my money back! jk
Me: It is free. Nice try tho.
E: Well I will still expect some kind of compensation if it goes down in flames.
Me: I'll spot you a ride home then
E: Oh, OK, that will work!
The goal here, people, is to minimize the decades of therapy required...
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Dukan
As I have mentioned before I went on the Dukan diet Memorial Day weekend of last year. I have lost over 50 lbs. I feel better than I ever have (well, except for the raging cold I currently have, courtesy of my children who still feel that the directive to share means germs as well. Assholes...). My joints don't ache nearly as much, I have more energy, I have learned how to cook with spices and flavor again, and I have realized that, like the majority of people out there, I don't eat enough vegetables.
That being said....I don't recommend the diet, really. Why? It is super restrictive. Ironically, that is one of the things that really appealed to me about it. They tell you exactly what you can and cannot eat. I did not want to have to count calories, or carbs, or grams of fat. I was given a list of foods I could have, and I could eat as much as I wanted to off said list. Removal of having to think was a big part of the appeal for me. Especially someone who tends towards emotional eating, which we all know=carbs. The grains I was consuming then contributed to my flares, which made me feel like crap, which then led to more emotional eating. It was a nasty cycle. And I finally broke it.
I will soon be "allowed" to re-introduce grains back into my diet. I have to admit, I am a little scared about this. It is almost like an addiction for me...will I totally lose control? I surely don't want to gain that 50 lbs (well, 60, once I lose this last 10 to get to my goal weight...). Will that be motivation enough for me to keep up my progress? I am also just scared that re-introducing grains will make me flare again. Don't think I have not cheated on this diet...I TOTALLY have. When I did, the aches I got the next day didn't really make it worth it. Seeing the scale jump, say, 5 lbs, even if it was mostly water weight, wasn't worth it either. I just FEEL better. Really, that is what I set out to do. Feel better.
Has this cured my Sjogren's? Fuck no. Do I feel I can manage it better now? Absolutely. At this point in my life, that is what I want. I will never be a model. My belly is ravaged from my children and sports a C-section scar. My breasts are pretty saggy without a good bra. I have stretch marks and bruise super easily. A few years ago, all of that would have really bothered me. Apparently I grew up...because now, I just feel better (well, mostly; I still have bad days...) and that is all that I want. The looking better thing is a bonus.
Though I still maintain that it is totally unfair for a person who has such difficulty having children to have child-bearing hips...maybe I have not grown up that much after all :p
That being said....I don't recommend the diet, really. Why? It is super restrictive. Ironically, that is one of the things that really appealed to me about it. They tell you exactly what you can and cannot eat. I did not want to have to count calories, or carbs, or grams of fat. I was given a list of foods I could have, and I could eat as much as I wanted to off said list. Removal of having to think was a big part of the appeal for me. Especially someone who tends towards emotional eating, which we all know=carbs. The grains I was consuming then contributed to my flares, which made me feel like crap, which then led to more emotional eating. It was a nasty cycle. And I finally broke it.
I will soon be "allowed" to re-introduce grains back into my diet. I have to admit, I am a little scared about this. It is almost like an addiction for me...will I totally lose control? I surely don't want to gain that 50 lbs (well, 60, once I lose this last 10 to get to my goal weight...). Will that be motivation enough for me to keep up my progress? I am also just scared that re-introducing grains will make me flare again. Don't think I have not cheated on this diet...I TOTALLY have. When I did, the aches I got the next day didn't really make it worth it. Seeing the scale jump, say, 5 lbs, even if it was mostly water weight, wasn't worth it either. I just FEEL better. Really, that is what I set out to do. Feel better.
Has this cured my Sjogren's? Fuck no. Do I feel I can manage it better now? Absolutely. At this point in my life, that is what I want. I will never be a model. My belly is ravaged from my children and sports a C-section scar. My breasts are pretty saggy without a good bra. I have stretch marks and bruise super easily. A few years ago, all of that would have really bothered me. Apparently I grew up...because now, I just feel better (well, mostly; I still have bad days...) and that is all that I want. The looking better thing is a bonus.
Though I still maintain that it is totally unfair for a person who has such difficulty having children to have child-bearing hips...maybe I have not grown up that much after all :p
Monday, January 30, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Random II
I got a Twitter. I just the other day figured out how to use it and to make sense of all the conversations that were going on and how to follow them...plus my sister got one and I want to torture her a little bit on it. I still don't quite get it though...
@ewepsycho if you are interested.
Charles and I have been together for 10 years now. It was actually 10 years yesterday, but I am still all marveling at this fact. I mean, truly, I kinda half expected him to have drank himself to death, being married to me and all...yet I am the one on meds? Huh. Now I have a different perspective on this...
It snowed here for like the second time this winter. OK, maybe the third. Then tomorrow it is supposed to be warm and melt it all. (Warm is relative...I am talking like 40* here.) I think Mother Nature needs some meds herself. That or humans need to stop creating greenhouse gasses...though then we could not manufacture the stuff needed to make my meds to give me my sanity so I can torture my family for another 10 years. Fuck.
So the laptop is working, but only because I installed Linux on it. Windows was apparently beyond repair. I can access all my old files, so it is just gonna stay this way for now. However, I cannot use my wireless mouse with it for some reason and I have to find the cord for the printer because I can't figure out how to use it wirelessly. The printer I can deal with...however, I HATE the touch pad mouse on this thing. I hate that it moves my cursor all over the place and several times I have had to stop typing to move it back because my thumbs have brushed against it. I hate that it is a PITA to try to scroll down a web page. But mostly, I hate that when something goes wrong with it I have nothing to throw across the room like I did with the other mouse.
I want to know who came up with the idea of taking a particularly lean meat such as pork and making the heart killer known as bacon. I mean, I am not complaining or anything...but who thought of this idea?
@ewepsycho if you are interested.
Charles and I have been together for 10 years now. It was actually 10 years yesterday, but I am still all marveling at this fact. I mean, truly, I kinda half expected him to have drank himself to death, being married to me and all...yet I am the one on meds? Huh. Now I have a different perspective on this...
It snowed here for like the second time this winter. OK, maybe the third. Then tomorrow it is supposed to be warm and melt it all. (Warm is relative...I am talking like 40* here.) I think Mother Nature needs some meds herself. That or humans need to stop creating greenhouse gasses...though then we could not manufacture the stuff needed to make my meds to give me my sanity so I can torture my family for another 10 years. Fuck.
So the laptop is working, but only because I installed Linux on it. Windows was apparently beyond repair. I can access all my old files, so it is just gonna stay this way for now. However, I cannot use my wireless mouse with it for some reason and I have to find the cord for the printer because I can't figure out how to use it wirelessly. The printer I can deal with...however, I HATE the touch pad mouse on this thing. I hate that it moves my cursor all over the place and several times I have had to stop typing to move it back because my thumbs have brushed against it. I hate that it is a PITA to try to scroll down a web page. But mostly, I hate that when something goes wrong with it I have nothing to throw across the room like I did with the other mouse.
I want to know who came up with the idea of taking a particularly lean meat such as pork and making the heart killer known as bacon. I mean, I am not complaining or anything...but who thought of this idea?
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