Conversations

A: Mommy, Daddy a boy.
Me: How do you know?
A: He has no hair on his head, Mommy! (Laughs Hysterically) He has hair on his face!
Me: Who else is a boy?
A: Josh a boy, cause he has no hair and has hair on his face. Dirk a boy...he has hair on his face. Uhhhhhh...Uncle Nicky a boy.
Me: Uncle Nicky does not have hair on his face. How do you know he is a boy?
A: Cause he's not a girl.

(Duh. How obvious was that?)

Charles, whipping out his penis to show me because you know, that will totally make me want to jump his bones:
Me: What the hell are you doing?
C: Just figured I would show it to you so you remembered that I have one. It has been a while since you have seen it, you know...

(Think he was hinting? His idea of a while, just to clarify, is anything over 24 hours...)

Later on, pulling my neckline out to look down my shirt:

Me: (again) What the hell are you doing?
C: Just wanted to make sure they were still there...
Me: Let me guess...it has been a while since you have seen them?
C: Yep.

(I want to live in his fantasy world some day...)

Me: (glancing at the thermostat) Oh shit, I forgot I turned this up. (To Charles) You must be burning up...
C: Uh, yeah... (Mind you, it was set at 70*. Not high by a lot of people's standards...)
Me: Elizabeth and I were cold, so we turned it up. (Turn it down and start to walk out of the room.)
E: (To Charles) It was totally her idea. I had nothing to do with this. Just remember that.

(Thanks a lot, kid! And for the record...it was so not totally my idea.)