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Saturday, December 5, 2009


Alexis got to see Santa twice today. The first time was at Wal-Mart, as we were headed up the aisle between the housewares and the office supplies. Apparently they were doing free pics with Santa that day, and we caught him as he was coming back from lunch. At least I am assuming it was lunch and not a piss break, because Santa's picture-takin' place was set up thisclose to the bathrooms at the back of the store. Alexis went to Santa and sat on his lap and proceeded to tell him that she wanted grapes for Christmas.

The second time was at this old grain elevator that my sister-in-law's mother-in-law owns. (Catch the relationship there? LOL) Since I generally try to avoid any and all contact with my in-laws (mother- and father-in-law because they annoy me and hate me, my sisters-in-law because they are two of the most selfish people I have ever met and I have absolutely no respect for them) Charles took the girls there to see Santa. This got me to thinking about Santa.

Where else but in America do we let our children sit on a verified, confirmed, but not convicted breaker and enterer's lap and let them whisper their secret desires into his ear? Am I the only twisted person who secretly chuckles inside when I hear Santa ask, "Have you been good?" (All I can think of after I hear that is "Fuck me Santa, Fuck me Santa" from Bad Santa.) Isn't anyone else disturbed by where exactly the elve's heads are in proportion to certain parts of Santa's body?

Don't get me girls are told about Santa, one of the socially sanctioned lies of our great society, right up there with you must be thin to be beautiful and that you are irregular if you have a cycle of more than 28 days with ovulation at day 14 and that therapists can somehow read your mind. But did anyone THINK before they created this character? Or was that person secretly snickering inside as people feel hook line and sinker for the fat old man who likes to give children presents. If you had that in every day society, people would automatically assume that he was a pedophile. However, since it is Christmas and Santa is "magic", we make exceptions. Just goes to show me that people are not as black and white as they like to try to be.

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